Family Time=Good times

OK, so I am super sore from my yoga workshop weekend, but hey, I got a lot out of it. So after our 3 hour class on the neck and shoulder, I hung with the fam out to eat at Moe's and then to a park in the city. We played a rugged game of keep away which involved some tackling and throwing a perfect spiral at times. I was able to push Matt into the bushes at one point to maintain possession of the ball, but I practiced "ahimsa" (non-violence) as the bushes were not thorny. After the park, we came home and I made a banana cream pie! Remember my goals of cooking more? Well I made a big pie to share with everyone, and I am making my kids happy with this goal, to make a pie at least once a month. Eli wants it to be once a week. We'll see. Check out the video below...

Doug Keller

Sarah and I walk the streets of Winston, eager bodies and mats tucked under our arms. As we climb the steps to the sun filled, heart pine floor studio, I feel as if I have returned home. Home to a place deep in the spirit, the heart, the sun, the light in my life. Whether it be in a studio in Greensboro, across the country in San Fran, or in my sunroom, I love yoga. I have learned so much already, some of the information totally different from what I have learned (like not scooping the tailbone under when practicing back bends as most traditional yogi's teach), and much of it I seem to intuitively know. My heart lifts inside my chest as we chant "OM" and am immersed in the vibration of different voices in unison chanting harmoniously together. This afternoon after a 3 hour asana class of mostly standing poses and partner adjustments, we spent time in meditation and pranayama (mindful breathing). For 2 1/2 hours I am tossed around in my mind and heart, reaching toward that small space, the breath inside the breath, the space between thoughts, that illuminates our life, helps to give perspective on the path we are walking. Doug discusses Tantra, and that what Tantra teaches is to learn to make your life art. Take what comes to you, leave what leaves you. When happiness is present, enjoy it, feel it, and then know when hardships come, the ashes from whatever burns away, will provide rich insight to fertilize new growth. Face our fears, realize that we are put here in our bodies for a purpose. Whatever that purpose is , it is up to us to discover it, and grow from it constantly. Our life is meant to be constructive, not destructive. Deep stuff my friends. The good news is that so far my hip is doing quite well, and that having Matt home is so wonderful. He is happy to be with the kids, and I am happy to get away from the kids! Life is good, at this moment I am feeling the joy.

workshop ahead!

I am thrilled to be able to attend my first ever yoga workshop post hip surgery tomorrow through Sunday. I have always enjoyed participating in these wonderful journeys into the body and heart. It feels much needed. My hip is super flared up right now, and I am trying my best to manage with the severe and chronic pain I have on this body part. It is sometimes hard to beleive that only 9 months ago I had surgery, and am still walking this road to recovery. I am very careful with my practice, and I am careful with my body. So, I will keep this short. I am hoping to be inspired and discover some healing during this workshop. The teacher is awesome and inspiring, and I am so looking forward to some time to be alone with my practice that is so dear to my heart. And, Matt is home! What a releif! I am amazed at the difference it makes to have him here at home with us. Big, positive changes are ahead, stay tuned...

Quiet!!!

How long does it take children to go to sleep at night? In my house, at least tonight one hour past when I tucked them in. Giving "snuggle time" is the last part of the night, and I give each one a little sugar and softness before I go downstairs. Eli and I often talk, maybe just holding hands, or touching shoulders. It is a small thing, but I hope to impress on them their importance to me, and I cherish this time, when they are little, as I know it will fly by, and soon I'll looking back on their pictures saying "remember when!" I set some yoga goals, that I thought I would share with you.
1. Headstand-5 minutes, working with a partner in the future once I can do it for 5 minutes against a wall, to do it in the middle of the room.
2. Shoulderstand- 5 minutes with a wall or without one
3. Crane pose- 5 breaths This is the arm balance where knees are propped on triceps and arms are supporting all of the weight.
4. Gomukhasana arms with hands touching (I better practice this one every day!
5. Do asana 3 times a week for one hour in the morning at 5am. 2 times on other days. Currently I have been practicing 3 days a week at least.
I give myself 6 months to reach these goals
6. Cook more. Okay this isn't a yoga goal, but it does bring me some joy, even though many times I am so busy I can't even stand the thought of cooking. But Eli said to me the other night when I had fixed a meal and we were sitting down, "Mom, it has been a long time since we all have had a meal together." Boom, right to the heart. So, Even with Matt gone, I need to sit down with the kids and have a family supper.
Tonight, after I tucked the kids in, I walked to my mat and sat down, and told my body to do what it needed to do. This is how I practice many times, and I am always amazed at what comes out. I tell my jaw to relax, my shoulders to release, I bring my mind, repeatedly back to the present moment. What else do we have, except the present? As I continue to move through my yoga journey, I remind myself of this, keeping a strong commitment to be self aware, act with gratitude and compassion to myself and others, and I also pray to our wonderful and all loving God, to guide me and keep me healthy, and to help me be a good yoga teacher, and to be a good Mom, and mostly, to bring Matt home, with a fire under his butt for something new, so that he can be home!!!

finding the path

I cannot believe how difficult it has been lately to do my blog. I want to write meaningful, creative entries, that are inspiring and uplifting, as well as reflective of the life of a yogi. That would be me. I certainly have my moments when I am not present, I yell at my kids, and all I see is the hardship before me instead of the beauty around me. For this sometimes I feel guilty, as I often say to myself that I should be calm, collected, and be more how my mind sees fit that I behave. I guess you could call this self awareness, which is good, to a degree. But I am human, and I a have so much to learn and mountains to grow. Yesterday morning I awoke rather easily and as I sat drinking my coffee, i looked at my mat stretched out in the sunroom floor, beckoning me in the morning silence. "You can't do it" my mind said to my body. "Just do it" my body whispered. "You are to tired and soon the kids will need to be awakened and the morning routine will be underway" said my mind. My eyes darted back and forth, from mat, to couch to mat and then couch. Hmmm, 6:10. I walked over to my mat and said "OK body, you win. 20 minutes in and I felt as if I could spend another hour with the morning, the birds on the feeder, my body revealing to me it's imbalances, and my mind's deepest thoughts, and emotions that lie in my heart. I rested for a few minutes in Savasana, and went on with my morning. I felt good, happy. The idea of a regular yoga practice is that by taking it on, we slowly begin to become more present in our life, and acheive more than was ever possible before, by being present. So it works, it really does!

a crack in the shield

I can't believe it has been almost 5 days since I've posted. I have been doing lots of yoga...mostly stretches, and breathing, and asking God to show me the light, show me the path, and I'll gladly follow. Kaiser, the big German Shepherd we adopted, had to go back home to his foster Mom. We were not the right home for him. Many reasons for his departure exist, and yet, in my soul, I know he will be happier in a home with no kids, and with someone who can be with him a lot. One thing Kaiser brought to our family was perspective. Perspective on where exactly we were heading as a family. It is strange to say, but oddly enough, he helped us realize what the next step was for us to progress to the next level. I am fairly certain his role was to bring Matt and I closer to a resolution of vocational nature. Matt is looking seriously for a job close to home, and I will continue as an OTA at Carriage House, with a renewed sense of purpose. As I look in my patients eyes, I am touched by the fact that I can sing, dance, and play with them every day, with potential to change the vibration and tone of the caregivers that are involved with these spirits trapped in bodies and brains that are slowly wasting away. I am also jamming to the fact that I am again teaching yoga to awesome students, and practicing yoga with vigor, curiosity, and purpose. Struggling is never easy to admit, but maybe it is our resistance to the struggle that prevents us from seeing our path. It is never easy to admit struggling, because it may seem as if one is weak. But maybe, in our acceptance of this struggle, a crack in our shield around our heart opens doors to friends who offer support and helps to expand our consciousness to see things in a different light. I realized that despite how much I am struggling with all my responsibilities, I am blessed to have many friends who care for me and support me, as well as a loving family that keeps me wrapped in their arms of love and listening ears. I am hopeful that Matt will soon return home to his family, but more importantly, he will return to himself, and find his purpose, his place back in our lives, the boys lives. We need him so. Right below this post is a box, with a video, it is hard to notice, but it's there. Push play and catch my drift!!!!

Get a grip...or loosen the grip?

So I adopted a HUGE German shepherd, in case you haven't heard. What was I thinking? As my friend Sarah reminded me, this was a heart decision, not a mind decision. How true. Maybe it was school being cancelled all week, the kids constantly underfoot, all the snow (yes it's gorgeous, but I know that I can never live in Wisconsin again), tax season, Matt being gone, getting a dog that requires 4 miles a day of leashed walks...on top of everything else? Again I ask What the HELL was I thinking? I guess it may be safe to say I wasn't thinking, I was feeling. I am impulsive, I am touch feely. I can wear my heart on my sleeve, and I am okay with that, most of the time. With Matt being home, everything seems more manageable, and we share the load. How nice. My low back and hip have been screaming at me, telling me to get on my mat, and I have, and I usually end up getting humped by Kaiser while in down dog of all poses. Or Maggie lets some gas go cause she's so anxious about this beast of a dog invading her home, humping her master. Life is all so crazy sometimes. As I was taking my dogs on their second walk today, I looked at the sky and behind a blanket of gray shone a bright orange light, the sun, burning, while earth began to turn away as she approached the cool dusk. Exhale. I instantly felt better. my mood shifted, from darkness to light, even though night was fast approaching. I love how life changes, day to day, hour to hour. If we can remember that, maybe we wouldn't put so much weight into the urgency of our feelings. As I shut out the dogs, sat down with my breath, my mat, and my heart beating to the rhythm that is my life, I breathed into my back. As I experienced Janu Sirsasana (head to knee pose) it took almost 2 minutes for my breath to reach into the low back muscles and then "snap, crackle, pop!" went my back. In a good way. I stretched, I smiled, I let my forehead rest on the ground. I exhaled, inhaled, and constantly asked my jaw to loosen it's grip. It did. Thank God for yoga in my life. It is my backbone, where I can be stripped of my drive, relax and notice the beauty around me, notice how my body is dealing with my stress. Today I did lots of stretching, especially my hips and hamstrings...sounds like an upcoming class...Good night.

Today, I will be present

As I got out of bed today, knowing how full my day would be, I reminded myself to remain present while going about my business. Our new dog Kaiser, is taking up much of my already pinched time. Walking the dogs this morning around 6:30, I looked at the sun coming up. The moon was half full (not half empty), and the clouds cast a sheen over the red sky. The crunch of hardened ice and grit echoed with the birds as they awoke from their nests. Pat pat pat the feet of the dogs, my big bear Kaiser, and sweet girl Maggie go on the pavement. The houses were sleepy, silent, dark, with a few lights beginning to show through the windows of the houses. Emerging thoughts, slow to begin, then rapid as they take off, overtake my consciousness at times. Reeling back into the present moment, I am taken in again with Kaisers perky ears, his magnificent walk, Maggie's swervy body, her nose reaching into the morning air for a waft of who knows what. Red sky teach me to go within, help me to touch what gets under my skin, so that I may grow and learn from it, know myself and expand, like the red sky in morning, at 6 :30 am.
Sun Salutations
extended time in dog
warrior 2 flow to extended side angle
triangle
tree
mountain
savasana

snow is good

SNOW DAY! I recall very few of those growing up in Wisconsin. When, not If it did indeed snow, we always had school, unless there was more than a foot, or the windchill was below -50. I kid you not, one day the windchill was -77 below zero. (is that a double negative?) I was instructed by the weatherman to NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE, SERIOUS DAMAGE WILL OCCUR! But I did leave my house, dressed in a full snowsuit, face mask, etc. My eyelashes froze. The sound was deafening. I walked a mile just to experience this rare feat of nature. Stupid? or free? You choose. SNOW DAY was fun! I had to insert yoga poses throughout my day as the kids and dogs were constantly in and out. DOG pose was the big winner with lots of sun salutations, and reclined hero pose with a Kaiser dog head (imagine a watermelon with brown eyes and perky ears). It felt good to stretch. My hip has been sore from all the sledding and tromping in the snow. I am ready for bed. I wish that you are well, and that, in the wee, dark hours of the night, as you sleep, you catch the deepest form of sleep, so that as you awake, your body is refreshed, mind alert, and heart ready to feel fully whatever the day will bring. Love ME