Screaming in savasana

I was determined to do a "full" practice today. 26 poses to be exact. I instructed the kids that I needed them to be quiet and "not fight". Those were my only requirements. Eli sat and read the whole time in our egg swing, giving input into the levelness of my hips in some of the harder standing poses. Jonah and Sammy lasted about 30 minutes, with me having to intervene quite a bit. There is something disturbing about resting in savasana while you hear screaming and yelling coming from the bedrooms upstairs. Try as I might to remain cool, It was upsetting to me to hear them fighting, while trying to cultivate peace within my body and spirit. I had promised them a visit to the drug store to get Pokemon cards that they could buy with their allowance. Sadly, Jonah and Sammy did not get their allowance or get to buy any cards due to their behavior. This caused much angst and tearful crying in the car. But, I had warned them, given them several chances, and they did not live up to their end of the bargain. Being a parent, a good parent is tough. It requires patience, diligence, consistency, firmness, kindness, and most of all LOVE. Sometimes tough love. I think they learned their lesson. As for yoga, and its benefits to me, my body felt wonderful after my sequence. I did most of the standing poses, twists, forward bends, headstand and shoulderstand, and my savasana with kids screaming. My body felt balanced, my heart felt the pain of having to say "no" to my dear children with big drippy tears in their eyes, but knowing it was the correct thing to do. I will say not having the peace of a quiet savasana made a difference in the overall feeling I had after my practice. Quite often, there is a blissful, satisfied feeling, that ruminates for a few hours, casting a glow on the world, and my heart. At least my body felt integrated, and although I had to deal with screaming, unruly kids, I gave thanks to a gracious God who gives me a body and family to come home to.

If I pray

before I lay my soul to sleep,
I pray that I may early wake,
and practice yoga in the morn,
so I can get crackin' on the corn

back bending

The breeze catches my hair, lifts the curl that has fallen into my eyes, I am gazing up, legs spread strongly over powerful and expanding feet. My abdomen draws in, as I extend and stretch my spine, and then I reach out to the sky, and to the ground, and breathe into this all powerful, open, stimulating, invigorating, relaxing AND informative pose that is TRIANGLE!!! The weather was perfect, I am at ease, I can hear the birds, the trees, and the wind that makes me feel closer to God. As I move through my day, I feel as if I have had a physical therapy lesson, and a trip to the psychologist, the heart doctor, listened to philosophy, and communed with the divine source that lives in the well of our spirit.

I welcome the sun

This morning, as I awoke to a quiet and sleepy house, I sat up in bed and noticed the sunrise coming through my windows (notice picture above...this is the view out my window). Matt was snoring in bed, eyes closed tight, lead limbed, peaceful. I saw the sun, red and expanding across the sky, shining through the pillar trees casting shadows in the morning mist. Red sky in the morning...sailors take warning. Hmmm is a storm coming? I followed this thought and sank back into bed, being grateful for our bed, and the wonderful party we had last night. So many awesome friends, such good food, and a reason to celebrate...Matt turning 40. I eventually got to my mat this afternoon, in the gray sky the leaves rustled, the birds chirped beauty songs, and Maggie lay by my mat as I began my practice. I thought sun salutations would be great, but as soon as I got into the forward bend, I sank into myself, and allowed my knees to soften under the weight of my trunk, felt and watched as my breath carried itself into my back, my abdomen, my neck. Following the gradual journey of breath I relaxed my jaw, shook out my neck, and turned inward to my spirit. Mostly quiet here today. Feeling tired, but satisfied, I stayed here and just breathed. I knew I was to tired to practice sun salutations, so I stretched my legs in dog. Feeling even more tired, I laid on my back and was astonished at the sky. Dark gray clouds mixed with light, deep and long they rolled in. My feet reaching up into the sky, I gazed over them into the abyss of clouds, breathing, watching, dreaming.

Follow the breath

Where did my body and breath take me today? I followed my breath as I arched and rounded my back during cat and cow poses. My sacrum was feeling out of place, and it hurt! I focused intently on my lumbar area, and soon realized how to contract all my little deep core muscles in the basin of the pelvis. I intuitively did lots of core work (maybe 10-12 minutes) Of leg lifts and trunk rotations, really concentrating on keeping my back pain free, and aligned. I also did a lot of upper body strengthening...handstand preps, dog, forearm balance preps. As challenging as this was, my breath came alive and took me into a place deep within the well of my soul. How glorious to have visited this place within myself, this "god space" our spirit, the light of wisdom and grace. Flowing freely with it, even for that single second, I caught a glimpse of beauty, a voice that guides our practice, guides our intentions in life. I intend to be a Great MOM, although I can fall short of that at times. I intend to be an understanding and supportive wife, although I can get bitchy sometimes :). I intend to be a good friend who is genuine and dependable, I intend to be a better therapist to my patients at the "crib" at Carriage House. What are your intentions? Listen in the quiet space of your heart, Hear your heart beat, feel the rhythm of your soul calling your name. Sometimes it's jazz, sometimes the blues...other times it's plain old funky! Listen, and we shall be guided and held, by a gracious and loving God.

waffle house yoga

Scattered, smothered and diced? Thats how I felt today while practicing my poses today...utterly scattered, not in a bad way, but it was CRAZY where my mind was taking me! I went all the way into Thanksgiving future! Whoa nelly! As I looked out my windows, into the trees, I realized I was, simply scattered. So I sat down, did some core work, and the phone rang! I smiled, laid on the floor while I talked to Debra, and was satisfied with the little yoga I had experienced.

Frogs...be quiet!

My joy for the frog(s) in our little pond by my bedroom window is gone. He chirped all night long, apparently announcing his re-birth into the world. His chirp is constant and loud, and now he needs to be quiet and let me sleep! That's all for today.

Frogs!

There are frogs singing tonight!!! They seem to have come out of the ground, soggy, and wet, throaty and guttural, loud and proud, these frogs that live on our land. Sing your songs dear frogs, and tell me true, how does it feel to be out of winter blue? I see the daffodils, lifting their heads, on green stems they cling and sing, out to the sun, the fire in our hearts, reminds us to press on, press on. Like the frogs, coming out of the ground, we too, shall move on, sometimes soggy and wet, but hopeful, with a song in our hearts.

Fartner Yoga?

Let me just say I have the best kids in the world! Even though they fight almost daily, scream, whine, cry, cause me to drink (haha), they are pretty darn good. It was such a beautiful day today, and as Eli was taking a break from the mountain of homework he always has, I was practicing yoga in the sun and light breeze. The kids were running underfoot, and it wasn't bothering me one bit. Eli is my "mirror" and I ask him to tell me if my hips are level in certain poses. Today, we began to do "partner yoga" and I was putting them on my feet in various poses. Then we got out my partner yoga book and began to explore some of the poses described in my book. The one Eli and I lost our composure was "boat pose" we faced each other with knees bent, toes touching. we then clasped arms (hands on forearms) and lifted one leg up (like a "V"). Eli's hamstrings were so tight, and he started to cringe and laugh at the same time while attempting to straighten his leg. Then he let out a small "toot" during all that effort and we both just collapsed out of our poses, and enjoyed some deep belly laughing. It then progressed to Jonah and Sammy wanting to do partner yoga, and I ended up holding them all on my feet with some serious abdominal work going on just to keep them stable. I noticed that I was holding my breath, and once I began the breathe, the pose came alive, stable, beautiful like a picture. It was awesome. My kids and me, sunlight, breeze, yoga, laughter, togetherness, tenderness, unity of the Yonaitis.

A Beautiful Day

Last night as I went to sleep, I prayed that I would be able to have a "long" practice in the morning, my favorite time to practice. We went to bed early, and I awoke at sunrise, with the light beginning to shine dimly through the windows, and through the trees like pillars in my front yard. After I lazily sipped 2 strong cups of coffee (my favorite vice, crutch, attachment, addiction, whatever you want to call it), I practiced for a full hour! I sweated my ass off, I must say too. I did 5 rounds of sun salutations, inserting warrior 1 and lunges with a twist. I did a full range of the standing poses and felt the juice warming my back, which was hurting this morning as I am constantly reminded that I am not getting any younger. Last night I played Eli in 2 games of "one on one" basketball and football with Jonah in the back. "Run Mom!" Jonah yells, and it is a sad and funny thing to watch me try to run as I lumber along the field, not even one ounce of the track and field superstar I used to be. I take that back, maybe there is one ounce of memories from my past, but hey, I am trying my damnedest to be living in the present. Call in the gimp. So, my back was getting twisted and deliciously worked out. After a lovely savasana with the kids eating their breakfast, we rushed off to a basketball game at 9am. It set the tone for the day, having this one hour to dedicate to my body, my mind, and my spirit. As I moved through my day, I felt full, taller, stronger.

Time is relative

How much time should we commit to a practice of yoga asana, or meditation? 20 minutes, 1 hour, 2 hours? I believe the answer is whatever suits your lifestyle at the moment. When I had 2 small children, Eli was around 2, and Jonah was 4-6 months, I began to practice yoga vigorously. I practiced 1-2 hours a day, around 5 times a week. Now, that I have three kids, and a husband who travels, I am lucky to get one full hour in a week. I usually have to squeeze around 3 mini practices in a week, along with reading of scriptures and philosophy of yoga. I know that there will be a time again where I will be able to practice with more intensity. But for now, I have to be satisfied with what is reasonable for my life at this time. Today, around 4pm, I had the chance to practice. The kids went outside, it was a beautiful afternoon. My mat was beckoning me, as was my body. I also had a chance to play with my kids, Eli asking me to play one on one basketball, and Jonah playing football. The choice? I played with my kids. My spirit told me to go play with them., My time with them is fleeting. I will always have my yoga practice. As we played outside in the sunshine, I knew that I had made the right choice. I see them at times as grown men, and wonder if they will remember the times that I have spent with them. There is a light, burning bright, can you feel it? Can you see it? It is always there, it is in our hearts, guiding the way.

Gratitude

Today I am thankful for so much. My friends who have showed an undying support for me on my yoga journey. I am thankful for my body, even with my "rare and extremely unusual hips" that my surgeon said were "extremely flexible, with potential for instability due to the way my hip socket is formed". He said I was "one in a million" (in terms of my hips) and that made me feel kind of good, I am slightly embarrassed to say. I am grateful for my family who is always there. I am thankful for God who is always there. I am thankful for warm, fuzzy micro-fleece sheets and a down comforter to snuggle in. Long looks with Samuel on the couch, staring deep into each others eyes, not needing to say anything, but simply "being" with each other. I am thankful for the things my kids say, the way their bodies move, so fast, and non-deliberate, free, and wild, like the bright spirit children they are. I am thankful I have a job, and that I am helping others by doing my job. I am thankful I have a home and a husband whom I can call my friend and be myself with. I could go on, but now I am thankful it is bedtime, and although my children are still awake (they had to watch american idol with me), I am thankful for their presence in my life, and that tomorrow will bring a newness, something fresh, as long as I choose to look at it that way. Goodnight.