opening into me

who makes our "to do" list? This question helps me when I sometimes force myself to do things that I am to tired to do. After dinner tonight, I was so tired. I really had a strong desire to practice yoga, but I was cold, and tired. I half did the dishes, and allowed the kids to play Wii. I then laid down, and shut my heavy eyes and sunk into a peaceful, restful state. My two canines lay beside me, snouts resting on my body. their breath sounds lulling me into a more relaxed and heavy state. When my eyelids decided to open, I had rested for maybe 30 minutes, not slept. I was revived! I cleaned the kitchen, did an hour of yoga, took dogs for walk, read to the kids, and here I am now writing this to whoever may read it. I realize, over and over, that we must take time for ourselves. We must learn to sit down, relax, close our eyes, listen to our hearts, feel our bodies if we are to remain healthy and happy. While I lay in shavasana, I felt my forehead skin unravel, and begin to peel away, the layers of tension and thoughts it was holding. Like watching a play at the theater, I observed the layers of feelings, and thoughts melt into the blackness of my exhale. Inhaling God's love (light), I walk this earth, sometimes scared, sometimes lonely, awake, aware, and open to the life I am living.

making time for stillness

I am embarrassed to say it has been almost 6 weeks since my last entry. I think I'll rename my blog: "whenever I am able yoga". I am now busier than ever, teaching 3 classes a week and working 40 hours too. This in addition to my wonderful blessing of taking care of my 3 wonderful kids. I stretched my body out in front of our fire at 5:45 am, and practiced a blend of vigorous poses, and then added some chest opening restoratives at the end. I keep reminding myself that I can always make time for stillness, even in the midst of chaos. I have a choice, about how I react to the stressors in my life. If we touch this place of peace, of quiet within our heart, we are able to remind ourselves daily that this place exists, in all places, and at all times. We had a meeting at my workplace about the "stress" in the office. I have felt this stress, and at times brought it home with me. My comment was that we all choose how stressed we are. Yes, life is stressful, but why let it seep into others, and let it define you as a person? This past weekend, I attended a training for yoga teachers doing the next level of training. It was so wonderful to be trained with a mindset of peace. Our teachers train us to physically touch this peace place, our heart center, in times of doubt, stress, and uncertainty. At work this week, as I felt the familiar demons of doubt creeping in, I touched this place at my heart, and reminded myself that I have a choice. I can go down a dark road, of doom and gloom, of tight muscles and confined beliefs and methodologies for living. Or, I can choose to look for the light, realize that everything is temporary, and touch that "peace place" when I am feeling that I am being dragged down. Namaste.

fitting it all in

How does a busy, working full time mom of 3 boys find time for yoga practice? I have been struggling with this issue ever since I started working full time. How precious my time feels now! I literally work 17 hour days, when I factor in work, taking care of kids all evening long and going to football practice, and teaching yoga twice a week! So, my mind was opened the other day when I realized that I didn't need to be "shut away" to do my practice. While I love and benefit from my practices alone on my porch outside, I can get a lot from unrolling my mat in front of the kids, in their bedrooms, and engaging them in my practice, during their rituals of bedtime. Sammy ducked under me in down dog, then had to clear the mat for my up dogs! He mimicked my warriors, and hissed like a snake. Matt even became involved and help me practice in Headstand! I realized, that this filled my spirit up, in a different way than a quiet, deep, asana practice. This practice with my family was playful and fun. It brought out elements in my kids I love to see. It brought out playfulness and spontaneity. So, I resolve to do this 3 times a week, even for 20 minutes. If they join me great! If they don't, more power to me!

seeking balance in the hub bub

Where do I fit asana into my day crammed with work, stress, carting boys to and from football, walking dogs? Anywhere I can, when I am able. It is now 9:35 pm, and I am hopeful that the kids are not needing any more of my time. As I sat on my blanket, watching the boys run tackle plays, sprint, and Sammy running off in the distance, I looked up at the evening sky light. A breeze brushed my face, I was sitting in hero pose, trying to be present. The truth is that sometimes I am so amazingly tired. This one moment on the field was my chance today to meditate, take in the moment, take in my feelings, all of them, and breathe in the fresh air.

opening into fullness

the other day I dedicated 90 minutes to an in depth practice. I decided on back bends. I was feeling a little wound up, a little cluttered, and thought some back bending could open my heart, provide a little clarity. It did. My favorite place to practice is my front porch, and the morning was cool, and the boys were at football practice. Chimes ring at just the right time, often moving with the rhythm of my breath. I set the intention that I would feel the energy of the pose, for each and every pose, and allow my breath to guide me into the "when" I had to move onto the next pose. Sometimes we get into habits. We stay on a pose for 5-6 breaths, and move on to the next pose. This time, I allowed my breath to rule, and it was like observing a beautiful sunrise exploding from within. As I tuned into my body, I would observe the line of energy expanding from my core, out into my limbs. It was amazing to know that our bodies are capable of so much, and how beautiful the practice of yoga is. As I continue on my journey of teaching and being a student of yoga, I never fail to keep asking questions to God, and myself. This practice, this art, inspires me, grounds me, and brings me closer to myself.

I will respond

What is the difference between responding and reacting? About 5 seconds, maybe 10. When I think of it that way, I realize that if I can remember to slow down, take in what I hear, what I feel, what I see, what I do, then I can better choose my way of responding. How hard this is to do! I feel though, that this is the way to enlightenment, to peace, to compassion, to love. If we all took 5-10 seconds to respond in tense situations, we might not say things that are hurtful, do things that may harm. This is a challenge for me, as I can react to many things that my 3 boys and in general life give to me. What I reflect on, is that my reactions, to whatever the situation, are teaching those around me my about my character. And for my boys, I am teaching them how to behave, and my reactions will make an impression on them. Getting angry or reacting is human nature. I don't try to be super human, or unnatural. I would like my mouth speak of love, my mind to focus on the present moment, and my heart to look for the beauty that lies within each person, and each situation. This being said, breathe, exhale, inhale wisdom, exhale, truth. Then speak, listen, respond, and for a tense moment, take the higher road. Our hearts expand, and grow as we do this. Remember the grinch? His heart grew three times its size busting out of the wire molding in his response to give back to the "Who's in Whoville"! Thinking of it that way, may bring a smile to our faces, as we continue on the path of love, kindness, and wisdom in the face of adversity and a sometimes harsh world. Peace to you, and good luck!

acceptance, growth, and expansion

When we struggle, we have to learn where we are holding, and breathe into the areas of restriction in our minds. We have to learn the balance of what to hold onto, and where to loosen up. How we create balance in our lives takes time, patience, and must also include struggles. How else does one learn except by making mistakes, saying the wrong thing, or acting in a way that is less than what we may expect of ourselves. We grow our minds by breathing into our bodies, harnessing our mind to our breath, and take ourselves into a journey of the inner life. When we realize that we are habitually holding our jaw, jamming our shoulders into our neck, or snapping at our loved ones without thinking, growth occurs. Awareness. Patience. Compassion. To ourselves, but also to others too. As I move through my life, I am learning that I can work full time, raise happy kids, have a good, great marriage, and pursue my 500 hour yoga teacher training certification! Huge commitments abound, but life is about acceptance, growth, and then expansion. Spread out, spread wide, the arms of courage, the arms of love. This is true yoga.