waking up with the dawn

What is it, that soothes your soul, and refreshes your spirit/body? Can you, through the process of self awareness, observing, and then action create a new "you"? Sometimes we drive ourselves into stress and impatient states all by ourselves. I am realizing more and more that WE choose how to feel, we choose how to behave in this world full of love, light, darkness, and fear. That is really all there is. Darkness and light. Love and fear. How we choose to perceive our life and those around us is a constantly evolving state, if we truly want to be on the path of love and light. I have noticed that one of my habitual responses to stress is to clench my jaw. I have taken to the mantra "relax your jaw". I repeat this in my mind, on a daily basis. The result? A more relaxed jaw! Hallelujah! Notice that I did not say "Stop clenching your jaw you idiot!". I use positive language to make a positive change. I also have changed my morning routine. I have felt in the past that I should practice yogasana in the morning before work. I usually end up feeling short on time, as my work day begins at 7 am. So I started reading something spiritual/inspiring in nature, then mediating for 5-15 minutes after. It has changed my past week tremendously! I also realized the best time for me to practice asana is in the afternoon, and this works much better for my schedule and my kids schedule too. It is amazing what we humans are capable of! A leaf tremors in the breeze, a bird swoops by with a worm in his mouth ( I imagined that part!) God speaks to us in the shores of the great silence, within.

Breathing on a bolster

Today was a "blah" day. I had the blahs all day long. Although I reflected on many of my gifts and blessings, I still felt like I was stuck. I felt heavy, on the inside. I felt dull, and inert. This state in yoga is called tamasic. I trudged through my day, and made it home in one piece ( I had a weird conversation with the bank teller in the drive thru in which she asked me if i trusted her...that's kinda odd, I thought, of course I trust you, with my measly 187.34 cent deposit) anyway, I made it home in one piece. The kids and I hung out on the deck and just talked and looked out over the green grass and full trees. I had planned to practice yoga in preparation for tomorrow's yoga class. spreading out my blanket, I attempted triangle and felt heavier still! I laid on the ground and gazed up at the sky, the planes, the wisps of clouds and the birds swooping around. I breathed into my heart, into the God that lives inside my heart, that felt so far away. Maybe it was me that was far away from God. I practiced long, restorative stretching and felt release in my skin, my hips, my head. Space was occurring now, and I began to catch a glimpse of the feeling tone of my mind. In my final pose, I closed my eyes and breathed into my body, retaining the breath at the top of the inhale, and at the bottom of the exhale. Neck...let go, allow your back body to rest, to feel the full support of the earth and pillows beneath you. Feel the love that is surrounding you...whispered a small voice in my head. I began to see the dullness color being penetrated by a yellow/golden light. Not bright gold, but more like a harvest gold, that was behind the murky grey/brown color of "tamas" that was inside my being. Breathing in deeply, this yellow expanded, and the grey/brown color melted and reappeared, moved around and changed. Slowly, the color changed, inside with the movement of my breath. It wasn't the bright golden color of heaven, but earthy, like a wintered over leaf, that was beginning to show signs of new growth.

Balancing act

This weekend I verbalized to Matt how frustrated I feel when I don't have time to practice yoga or meditate. Matt's reply was, "well, instead of doing one thing, you have to do yoga instead. Working full time takes up so much of my time, and then all 3 kids of course take up much of the time too. On Saturday, I only practiced for 30-40 minutes, but I worked on headstand, and upper body strength/core. Sunday, as I was balancing so many streams of thought, I finally just rolled out my mat and spent almost 2 glorious hours doing asana. Kids were involved, conversations happened, pictures were taken. I worked intensely for about 30 minutes on "crane" a challenging arm balance which I am trying to figure out. The arm balance is possible only when you reach a perfect balance point, and your feet miraculously lift off the floor. Meanwhile, your core and upper arms are supporting you fully, and a magical feeling comes as you realize it is mostly about focus, concentration, feeling the space of the balancing point. I was amazed to realize that it was such a small space to work in, and challenging too! After, I then practiced a "Yin Yoga" sequence that focused on slow, long holds. It was just what I needed. The sun was shining, the breeze was blowing, and all was well with the world. I don't know why I was so stressed out. I have to remind myself to breathe, and be present. I have to remind myself to smile, when I become irritated. I have to be real with what is possible in one day!

Becoming more beautiful

How does one look from the inside? How do we perceive our world, and continue to see the blossoms, rather than the weeds? One thing that has really helped me is this one truth: Everything is temporary. Each day, we proceed, moving forward in time, and each day is remarkably new. Sometimes it feels old, really old. Sometimes I want to fly away from my life and my responsibilities like the birds I see flying over the lake. Sometimes I feel like I might break from the pressures of life. Sometimes I feel like I am inadequate, and not living up to my potential. Sometimes, my belly feels so full of laughter and fullness rises in me as I reflect on all the friends and connections I have in my life. Today, as I leaned back in my vintage car, I rolled the window down, hair blown', glasses on, Song blaring, I felt one with life, God, and the universe. It is Friday, Thank God. Party in my heart, kids by my side, birds singing in the trees, and dogwoods peeking out from the edges of forests. Dogwoods are so beautiful! Now, getting back to the Title of this blog, how do we become more beautiful? We choose to grow and learn, with each and every hardship and struggle that comes our way. Instead of saying, "I can't handle this", I may say, "What can I change to make life more doable for me?" The purpose for me, for you, is divine. See this divinity, in your child's eyes, in the sun that rises and sets, in the herons focused gaze. See this divinity when you struggle, when you become angry, when you feel irritated and mean. What is your body telling you? Feel your emotion, feel where your body holds your pain. Then, come on down my friends, to my yoga class. Here, we will explore, and hammer away, at the external that feeds into the internal, and eternal. The seeking and exploration begins, and never ends, as we become and feel this tremendous light, this fire, that God has set in our hearts.

breathing in this life

Where are our minds, 99 percent of the time? Stuck somewhere in the past or future, most likely. I was in the shower this morning, thinking about all I wanted and needed to accomplish. My shoulders and neck felt tight, I was slumping, and caught up in everything but the feeling of the warm water on my body. Suddenly, I became aware and man my shower felt good! I reminded myself to stay in the moment, right here, right now. I was presently in the shower, nowhere else. I became aware of how easy it is to get lost in the push and shove of minds. Our bodies love the attention it gets. I worked on my mountain pose, in front of the mirror, and became tall again. I worked on deepening my spine into my body during uttanasana, and padangustasana. Breathing deeply into my body, I was at peace with all I was doing, at the pace that was naturally unfolding. Breathing is automatic. Breathing mindfully takes presence and discipline. Breathing in, I know this is a wonderful moment. Exhaling, I smile.

Handstand in the grandstands

OK, well not like the major leagues. Eli, Sammy, and I, were "tumbling" around in the field at Jonah's practice. So, I started doing handstands. I was able to do a 3-4 second handstand with no support! Pretty great for me! Eli kept practicing, and soon we were up to about 10-12 handstands each! What a great way to sneak in some yoga! Handstand: Refreshing!!!!!!!Keeps you warm. Makes you smile, keeps you playful, makes you strong, keeps your sense of adventure going, helps you learn how to fall, and get up from the ground, dusting leaves off your booty.

getting stronger

Pulling myself deeper, into a stretch, into a hold, I feel my body quake. Working with vigor, I am re-shaping my body. On Saturday I spent an hour working on backbends, with a stop for shoulder stand, and headstand. I ended my practice with a long savasana, and Sammy lying on my belly, snuggled into my body. All day on Saturday, into Sunday, and even this morning, I feel the effects of a vigorous practice. I stand straighter, feel a passion for continued growth in asana, and am ready to face my week.