stormy on the inside

Anger. That is what I felt today. Overwhelmed. Tired. Trapped. All very real and negative emotions. I have read that anger is really sadness, but more easily expressed as it gives a person a feeling of entitlement rather than a pitiful approach. Anger is easier to be as sadness gives way to vulnerability. Anger is self protective, walled up heart, jaded heart. I knew my reasons, I knew why I was so angry, but I could not shake my crankiness. After a full day (starting at the crack of 7am on a Saturday) of basketball and running a few errands with the kids, I knew I had to get to my mat. Even though I have been inspired by rigorous asana lately, I knew what I needed was a restorative practice. So I laid my mat down, put my face in the sun, and stretched my angry soul down for some quiet. The first thing I noticed was how shallow my breath was. Then I noticed my clenching jaw. Then I noticed my mind wanted to wander. Then my shoulders wanted to buddy up by my ears. EXHALE I relax it all and let go. Practicing Viloma 3 (the 3 part breath) while perched on my bolster with my heart and chest open, I massaged my internal organs with the movement of my breath. Even with sounds of Sccoby doo in the background, I faded into a place of peace, practicing for maybe 15 minutes of pranayama. I lost track of time. I opened my eyes, first sight was my large oak tree. Each branch and limb I could make out, each one reaching up to the sun. Little fingers of life with brand new buds to share with the wind. I saw how easily their limbs moved in the breeze, how peaceful that tree was. Exhaling, I rolled off my bolster, stayed on my side feeling my body, breath expanding into my limbs. Fatigue is gone. Anger is subdued, and although I don't feel as if I should jump for joy, I feel neutralized, ready to go on with my day, with new eyes.