Sitting, looking out. Across the field of gold. Peering and gazing into the depth of colors. My heart begins to ache, it shrinks and expands at the same time. Feeling small, scattered, and somewhat unsure, I have no other way to turn but inward. Where are you God? I am calling your name. I am asking for help. I won't be satisfied to look away, to avoid my darkness that I feel. Instead, I look at the beauty before me, the gold leaves, the blazing red and orange. A friend who has a big smile for me every time I see her. 3 boys with different shades of blazing red gold hair, who never fail to inspire me. A husband who is kind and hardworking. I won't lie. I feel lost right now. I feel struggle, conflict, and sadness. I feel restricted, and bound. I have to challenge myself, to look up, be light, and open my heart to the present moment unfolding before me. I will leave you with a poem, which I really like.
Pain is the great teacher. I woke before dawn with this thought. Joy, happiness, are what we take and do not question. They are beyond question, maybe. A matter of being. But pain forces us to think, and to make connections, to sort out what is what, to discover what has been happening to cause it. And, curiously enough, pain draws us to other human beings in a significant way, whereas joy or happiness to some extent, isolates.
-May Sarton
