reflecting the light

Breathing in, I feel my body. Breathing out I smile. Breathing in, I look into my heart. Breathing out, I spread the light that exists and is ever present sitting bright and abundant from this space in the heart. How do we reflect the light that is inside of us? We discussed this last week during yoga class. The sanskrit term "samskara" means "some scars", literally translated. To put it another way, it means habits, or patterns of behavior(good and bad) we have developed over time. Sometimes, a habit can be healthy, helping us progress, like a daily meditation habit. But what happens when that habit is interrupted? How do react when we don't get our morning coffee, or our regular routine gets out of whack? It is also interesting to notice how we behave in situations where we don't think before acting. Where we may use a "tone" of voice, when we react, instead of reflecting, and then responding. These truly are "some scars" that have embedded themselves in our brain, and help us to behave in our old, habitual ways. I often shine the light of awareness on myself when I feel myself closing off, shutting down. I ask myself "why" this reaction? A lot of times this reaction is fear based, where maybe I feel insecure, attacked, or unimportant. Today, as I was cleaning out the kids rooms, I realized that love is the only way. It is an amazingly simple answer, but often difficult to carry through. How do we love when someone is rude? How do we love when we feel attacked? Love has many faces, and many actions. Love may mean loving yourself, rather than reaching out. Love may mean reaching out when you feel like you want to shut down. Love may mean turning the other cheek. Love may mean that you choose to not respond in the face of rudeness. Love may mean a compliment when someone feels down. As we all continue down our path of transformation and evolution, may we continue to rub into our "scars", so that we may know them, know the root cause of them, and then to be able to penetrate them, so that soon enough, we are forging ahead, with the brightest and purist heart. The heart that is full of love.

filling ourselves with light

Sammy and I were looking down at the ground beneath us, talking. We discussed the plants, and how they were withering away, the rocks, and how far we could throw them, and how warm it was for November! I then drifted off in my own thoughts about the upcoming holidays. Sometimes it's easy to get swept up in the rush and push of gifting and parties. I realized that really, what Christ has to share with us is "light". On Christmas day a bright light filled the sky, illuminating the manger. Jesus said: "I am the light of the world". So how do we fill ourselves with light? Close your eyes and visualize for a moment the purest love and bliss you can imagine. Imagine this feeling is directly in the heart center. Now as you identify with this love, feel this light spread out, like a wave reaching all facets of your being. If we meditate on filling ourselves with light daily, especially during the Holiday season, our love and compassion grow exponentially. As we continue on with our lives, with our hardships and pain, with our joy and growth, reflect on how you can be a light to yourself and others. Does this affect your daily chores? Can a simple thought, like "being filled with light" really make a difference? I am reminded of the folk song..."This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine"

opening into me

who makes our "to do" list? This question helps me when I sometimes force myself to do things that I am to tired to do. After dinner tonight, I was so tired. I really had a strong desire to practice yoga, but I was cold, and tired. I half did the dishes, and allowed the kids to play Wii. I then laid down, and shut my heavy eyes and sunk into a peaceful, restful state. My two canines lay beside me, snouts resting on my body. their breath sounds lulling me into a more relaxed and heavy state. When my eyelids decided to open, I had rested for maybe 30 minutes, not slept. I was revived! I cleaned the kitchen, did an hour of yoga, took dogs for walk, read to the kids, and here I am now writing this to whoever may read it. I realize, over and over, that we must take time for ourselves. We must learn to sit down, relax, close our eyes, listen to our hearts, feel our bodies if we are to remain healthy and happy. While I lay in shavasana, I felt my forehead skin unravel, and begin to peel away, the layers of tension and thoughts it was holding. Like watching a play at the theater, I observed the layers of feelings, and thoughts melt into the blackness of my exhale. Inhaling God's love (light), I walk this earth, sometimes scared, sometimes lonely, awake, aware, and open to the life I am living.

making time for stillness

I am embarrassed to say it has been almost 6 weeks since my last entry. I think I'll rename my blog: "whenever I am able yoga". I am now busier than ever, teaching 3 classes a week and working 40 hours too. This in addition to my wonderful blessing of taking care of my 3 wonderful kids. I stretched my body out in front of our fire at 5:45 am, and practiced a blend of vigorous poses, and then added some chest opening restoratives at the end. I keep reminding myself that I can always make time for stillness, even in the midst of chaos. I have a choice, about how I react to the stressors in my life. If we touch this place of peace, of quiet within our heart, we are able to remind ourselves daily that this place exists, in all places, and at all times. We had a meeting at my workplace about the "stress" in the office. I have felt this stress, and at times brought it home with me. My comment was that we all choose how stressed we are. Yes, life is stressful, but why let it seep into others, and let it define you as a person? This past weekend, I attended a training for yoga teachers doing the next level of training. It was so wonderful to be trained with a mindset of peace. Our teachers train us to physically touch this peace place, our heart center, in times of doubt, stress, and uncertainty. At work this week, as I felt the familiar demons of doubt creeping in, I touched this place at my heart, and reminded myself that I have a choice. I can go down a dark road, of doom and gloom, of tight muscles and confined beliefs and methodologies for living. Or, I can choose to look for the light, realize that everything is temporary, and touch that "peace place" when I am feeling that I am being dragged down. Namaste.

fitting it all in

How does a busy, working full time mom of 3 boys find time for yoga practice? I have been struggling with this issue ever since I started working full time. How precious my time feels now! I literally work 17 hour days, when I factor in work, taking care of kids all evening long and going to football practice, and teaching yoga twice a week! So, my mind was opened the other day when I realized that I didn't need to be "shut away" to do my practice. While I love and benefit from my practices alone on my porch outside, I can get a lot from unrolling my mat in front of the kids, in their bedrooms, and engaging them in my practice, during their rituals of bedtime. Sammy ducked under me in down dog, then had to clear the mat for my up dogs! He mimicked my warriors, and hissed like a snake. Matt even became involved and help me practice in Headstand! I realized, that this filled my spirit up, in a different way than a quiet, deep, asana practice. This practice with my family was playful and fun. It brought out elements in my kids I love to see. It brought out playfulness and spontaneity. So, I resolve to do this 3 times a week, even for 20 minutes. If they join me great! If they don't, more power to me!

seeking balance in the hub bub

Where do I fit asana into my day crammed with work, stress, carting boys to and from football, walking dogs? Anywhere I can, when I am able. It is now 9:35 pm, and I am hopeful that the kids are not needing any more of my time. As I sat on my blanket, watching the boys run tackle plays, sprint, and Sammy running off in the distance, I looked up at the evening sky light. A breeze brushed my face, I was sitting in hero pose, trying to be present. The truth is that sometimes I am so amazingly tired. This one moment on the field was my chance today to meditate, take in the moment, take in my feelings, all of them, and breathe in the fresh air.

opening into fullness

the other day I dedicated 90 minutes to an in depth practice. I decided on back bends. I was feeling a little wound up, a little cluttered, and thought some back bending could open my heart, provide a little clarity. It did. My favorite place to practice is my front porch, and the morning was cool, and the boys were at football practice. Chimes ring at just the right time, often moving with the rhythm of my breath. I set the intention that I would feel the energy of the pose, for each and every pose, and allow my breath to guide me into the "when" I had to move onto the next pose. Sometimes we get into habits. We stay on a pose for 5-6 breaths, and move on to the next pose. This time, I allowed my breath to rule, and it was like observing a beautiful sunrise exploding from within. As I tuned into my body, I would observe the line of energy expanding from my core, out into my limbs. It was amazing to know that our bodies are capable of so much, and how beautiful the practice of yoga is. As I continue on my journey of teaching and being a student of yoga, I never fail to keep asking questions to God, and myself. This practice, this art, inspires me, grounds me, and brings me closer to myself.

I will respond

What is the difference between responding and reacting? About 5 seconds, maybe 10. When I think of it that way, I realize that if I can remember to slow down, take in what I hear, what I feel, what I see, what I do, then I can better choose my way of responding. How hard this is to do! I feel though, that this is the way to enlightenment, to peace, to compassion, to love. If we all took 5-10 seconds to respond in tense situations, we might not say things that are hurtful, do things that may harm. This is a challenge for me, as I can react to many things that my 3 boys and in general life give to me. What I reflect on, is that my reactions, to whatever the situation, are teaching those around me my about my character. And for my boys, I am teaching them how to behave, and my reactions will make an impression on them. Getting angry or reacting is human nature. I don't try to be super human, or unnatural. I would like my mouth speak of love, my mind to focus on the present moment, and my heart to look for the beauty that lies within each person, and each situation. This being said, breathe, exhale, inhale wisdom, exhale, truth. Then speak, listen, respond, and for a tense moment, take the higher road. Our hearts expand, and grow as we do this. Remember the grinch? His heart grew three times its size busting out of the wire molding in his response to give back to the "Who's in Whoville"! Thinking of it that way, may bring a smile to our faces, as we continue on the path of love, kindness, and wisdom in the face of adversity and a sometimes harsh world. Peace to you, and good luck!

acceptance, growth, and expansion

When we struggle, we have to learn where we are holding, and breathe into the areas of restriction in our minds. We have to learn the balance of what to hold onto, and where to loosen up. How we create balance in our lives takes time, patience, and must also include struggles. How else does one learn except by making mistakes, saying the wrong thing, or acting in a way that is less than what we may expect of ourselves. We grow our minds by breathing into our bodies, harnessing our mind to our breath, and take ourselves into a journey of the inner life. When we realize that we are habitually holding our jaw, jamming our shoulders into our neck, or snapping at our loved ones without thinking, growth occurs. Awareness. Patience. Compassion. To ourselves, but also to others too. As I move through my life, I am learning that I can work full time, raise happy kids, have a good, great marriage, and pursue my 500 hour yoga teacher training certification! Huge commitments abound, but life is about acceptance, growth, and then expansion. Spread out, spread wide, the arms of courage, the arms of love. This is true yoga.

acceptance

Acclimating my self and accepting my new life change has taken me awhile. On Sunday morning, I felt as though my depression about such a dramatic change in my life has been lifted. I don't know how, or why, but it has lasted into this week. I am embracing my new lifestyle of working full time, and getting used to the idea that this will be my role for awhile. The beauty is, it will always be a different day, and different shit. I say this with love, and a smile

ripples in the lake

Tonight as I went on a hike with my boys and 2 dogs, I witnessed something spectacular. I sat on a mossy ledge, looking out onto the lake. The boys were throwing sticks, and Eli was practicing "ninja kicks" on a dead tree. I saw the water bugs making ripples near the waters edge. I then followed my gaze out across the lake a bit and was amazed to see the entire lake was filled with these water bugs creating ripples, reflecting in the sun. They were glistening in the orange glow of the evening sky. It was raining water bug ripples! It was beautiful, almost surreal looking. It struck me then that in yoga we speak of the mind being like a lake, and our thoughts are like ripples. Each thought has an effect, and different intensity on the quality of our state of mind. Meditation seeks to bring your mind back to its essential state, a state of calm and quiet. If we can learn to watch the ripples, and learn to not get to attached to our thoughts, increased clarity comes, and our state of mind is more calm, relaxed. I am reminded of the verse from yoga sutra: "yoga chitta vrtti nirodhah" translates as "Yoga is the cessation of the fluctuation of the mind". If for 5 minutes, you can take time to just sit, or lie down, breathe, listen to your breathing, and watch the flutter. You can find a space, a small space, even the briefest of moments that stop the chatter of the mind. In this space, you will find peace, bliss, the sound and feeling of God.

setting my intention

If my intention is to laugh more, then I most certainly will be more apt to look at the bright side of life. If my intention is to practice more yoga, then more than likely I will try to carve out more time to practice. Setting an intention is a good practice. The term "practice" means we keep trying, keep at it. Our intentions will fade, our intentions may change. Sometimes they may fail. If I continue to be mindful of what I am intending to do, I will live a more inspired and purposeful life. I know this sounds silly, but I am longing to see a turtle in my yard or driveway. So, I am intending to pray and hoping to find one! I am also intending to spend time doing fun and free activities with the kids after work, even though I am tired. I need to be with them, and see their little bodies growing and running with ease. During my yoga practice this morning, I breathed into my body, feeling every inch of my legs that were screaming at me. As I breathed into my tight spots, I looked up, and saw the sun peek through the cover of morning gray clouds

Filling myself up

I want to grow, so I will expand. I want to transform, as my body takes on the shape of yoga postures that fill me with light. I am stressed at times, by my new lot in life. I work long hours, in a giving profession, where I give much of my energy to those in need. I struggled last week as I yearned for my kids and the time that I used to have with them. Yoga class for me is a rarity and a fortune when I am able to break away and take a class to fill my soul up. So, instead of crying about it, I am studying, with increased vigor, the genius of many revered yoga masters. This is how I will fill myself up. Reminding myself that life unfolds naturally, and with the right intention, I can also feel connected to a purpose that is uniquely mine. As I fold deeply into my legs, I extend my trunk, my heart reaches up to my mind, opening the deep well of love and wisdom where God silently sits. I long for this time, this time of silence with God. Creating silence within, I can mold into my daily chore of working, and feel the energy that I need to transmit to the residents at WellSpring. I also want to be receptive to whatever comes up, and first ask of my heart, the correct path. This is the beauty of yoga, the inner listening, that creates outer glistening!

The secret ingredient

Have you seen Kung Fu Panda? His Father makes a soup called "the secret ingredient soup". The secret ingredient? Belief. Belief that the soup is so special due to a secret ingredient. What is your "secret ingredient"? What do your beliefs say about you? Do you ever question what you believe, and ask yourself why you believe it? This can come as simply as becoming aware of your judgments, and then asking yourself if the judgement is correct. Receive the input, listen to your inner voice, respond mindfully, and receive the benefits of living a more intuitive life. AHHHHHHHHH

Calm and relaxed

Yoga today was quite wonderful. I felt extra introspective, and honestly felt somewhat down. I knew I needed my time on the mat. Looking out into the trees I was taken into my spirit. Raising my arms with the rhythm of my breath, God whispered to me to continually ask my heart about the purpose that I am serving. Looking within my heart, I observed my thoughts, walked through my consciousness (sometimes a scary place), and felt a quiet I have not experienced in a while. This is why I love yoga. As silence enveloped me, I could see my path more clearly. As my body stretched, I searched for ease as I worked hard at developing my form. This is why I love yoga. It teaches me to work hard, while taking care not to force. It teaches me to wait, and observe. It teaches me receptivity, and ultimately, the path of acceptance. Acceptance of my yoga practice, my body. Acceptance of my life situation, and my relationships too. If I can bring to life, what I bring to the yoga mat, then hopefully, I will be serving my purpose to God, and to the world.

so much noise

Noise surrounds us. Within the confines of our mind, there is an endless chatter, a dialogue if you will, of our mind giving a commentary about what unfolds before us. Lately, my mind is telling me that I am not committed enough, I am not disciplined enough, I am not organized, I am an air brain, that my belly is fat, and so on. So tonight, tired and weary, but knowing the kids have at least until 9 until bed time, I laid my body down and tried to just breathe. I was making good progress, noting the tightness in my abdomen, when this crazy sound came from the computer room. The boys. Sponge Bob also chimed in along with the doofus' that he pals around with. Maggie's belly leaned over my face while I was inhaling deep. Nice. So I then went outside. I can stand the outside noises. In fact, I LOVE them. The frogs were chirping. The scent of gardenias captivating my nostrils, filling my lungs with their sweet incense. I was dizzy. I was lost in a dark space full of light. My mind was expanding, I was feeling more clarity, I was loosening my grip, I was simply on my way to just "being". But just for a moment. My naked boy came out..."MOMMMMMMMM, can you scoop out my ice cream?" "I'm meditating" was my reply. "pleazzzzze?" "Put on some shorts". I took about 6 or 7 more breaths in, noting the sweetness of the air, the rustle of the leaves. It reminded me that my number one job is scooping ice cream, cleaning scrapes, wiping noses, giving hugs, and tucking in the sweet boys that I am blessed to call my own.

Monday Morning Blues

Sometimes we all feel sad. I had the Monday morning blues today. A friend died last week, and as the reality continues to sink in, I reflect on how life will be forever changed for his wife and 2 kids. Death is permanent. Life goes on. We celebrate life with birthdays, and grieve the passing of those that have touched our lives. As I rose this morning, I breathed in the sticky morning air still lingering with a slight coolness from the moonshine of the night. My heart heavy, I still moved through the sun salutations, and soon my breath came alive, and I opened into my body. I could feel the tension, the sadness, the anxiety, the guilt, the pressure, the loneliness, the reluctance, the negativity. Although I was tuned into the birds singing, I couldn't relate today to their songs. I was happy to hear them sing, but they didn't lift me from my fog like usual. I continued through my practice, pausing at he end to meditate. Silence. 3 or 4 hours later I was feeling more myself, halfway through my day, giving therapy and hope to those patients that are at times...hopeless. I realized that our emotions, as complicated and troubling as they are, are temporary, and pass, like the clouds on a Monday morning.

creating joy

How do we function in the day to day? Do we take time to create joy within and for others too? Yoga helps to cultivate awareness into how we are feeling, and to continually search for the answers to questions that burn inside. There are many experiences that shape our perception of joy. As a young mother with an infant, joy was simply sleeping in, or seeing her baby smile for the first time. Joy now for me is sitting on my porch and simply listening to the layer of sounds from nature, and being present to the wildlife that continually evolves and adapts to the rising and setting sun. Stormy weather comes, and the birds take shelter from the storm. Like the birds, we too take shelter from the storms in our life. When we practice meditation we go inside ourselves, we cultivate the mindfulness required to deal with the storms in a positive way. Choose your battles wisely (I just said this to my 4 boys including my husband who seem to bicker about breakfast food, shoes, and dog food.) This is a big one, choosing battles wisely. What do we choose to let go of? What is important to bring to the table for dialogue? Meditation and yoga help to create this space for us to collect ourselves, listen inward to our spirit and soul, and then embark on a path, a higher road that leads to joy.

Reclined Mountain

Today, as I laid my body down, and practiced yoga, I tried to feel the length of my spine, from top of head to bottom of my feet. I breathed and made slight adjustments, from the inside out. I was searching for my plumb line, feeling all the curves in my spine. I moved throughout my practice, with this theme in mind. As I balanced in half moon, I worked my outer hip away from my spine as I contracted gluteus medius maximally multiple minutes. Ha ha. I knew I was beginning to bore you. The point is, although my entries have been few this week, it is not for lack of practice. I have been taking more and more time for this beautiful practice. It helps me to see more clearly, to feel more deeply, and to stretch and communicate with my body and spirit. I shared a moment this morning with 2 birds. They flitted up to the porch, where I sat drinking my coffee, staring out into the morn. They simply were looking for food. One bird sat on the edge of the railing, the other skipping around, looking at her friend. I waited until they flew away, and then got up, and readied myself for work. A new day, let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Monday Morning Clouds

As I arose this morning, I wobbled out of bed and creaked my joints to the coffee pot. Pushing "ON" I wobbled back to bed. I laid there for a minute and my spirit said "Cathy, get up and do yoga, you'll feel better." So, I creaked my ankles back to the smooth wood floor, eyes heavy and sleepy, poured a cup of joe, and wandered outside to my mat on the porch. I figured I would do sun salutes. So I did, 3 rounds, Boy was I tired. The first round I couldn't remember which leg I did first, then I just carried on with the movement, noticing how I was breathing. As my body began to wake up, I started to feel strong again, and felt more ready to face the day. Peering through the trees with the sun rising, I perched my self in tree pose, and worked all the bones of my standing leg foot, and spread wide my toes. My bent leg, snuggled tenderly into my thigh. Spine lifted as my tailbone reached for the earth. Expansion. As the sun rose, I slowly did too, spine, heart, and soul. Ending in a short savasana, Jonah came tumbling outside complaining of his knee hurting. I held him tenderly, aware of his just 7 years, and how big he is growing. I simply hugged him and told him I was sorry his knee hurt. We hugged, and then moved on with our day.

Hearts are everywhere!

This morning as I lay in savasana, I gazed up at the gigantic trees looming up into the sky. As my gaze deepened, I saw a heart shape in the center of the branches! Then, as I was getting ready to do some dishes, I swirled some dish soap on the cloth, and it was in the shape of a heart! The final heart came as my husband came in from working outside and his sweat had formed a "heart" on his t-shirt! All this before noon. So now, I'll be keeping my eyes peeled for hidden hearts in the world we present ourselves in. How this may change my perspective today will be interesting. Looking for hearts, love, signs of goodness, can and will soften us to the world, ease our mind, and open our eyes to the beauty that is often right there in front of us. If only we choose to look for it! Do you see the heart in the tree?

Third week in

This completes my third week working full time at my new job. I am loving it! I am busy from the moment I walk in to work, until the moment I leave, and then when I get home, I am busy all over again. Matt leaves for school every night, and then it is off to the boys activities or teaching yoga class. I always seem to set intentions for practicing in the morning, but I fall short of getting out of bed. I practiced one time this week in the morning (Monday of all days) and it just set the tone so well. It is amazing how much better I feel after allowing my body to stretch and breathe before tackling another day. I am still adjusting to working full time and the way to feels to my body. I practiced yoga three times this week, but it never feels like enough. My body is crying this week, it needs my love, my yoga love. As I set my intention tonight, I pray that tomorrow will provide an opportunity to be with my spirit, to be quiet, to nurture, to listen. I also pray that my body will respond, will communicate, will open, and let go of any toxicity it carries around. Our bodies are amazing. Our bodies carry us and respond to what life brings us. We express ourselves in the way we hold ourselves and the way in which we use our body to live. What does your body say about you? Look at your hands, see the intricacy of the skin, the dexterity of the fingers, and the power within the giving power of our hands. Feel your spine, can you inhale and lift your heart to God and turn your practice into a meditation of listening to the Divine? Tomorrow morning, I will be on my porch, stretching, expanding, extending, opening, and resting in the grace of the world. Come join me!

Virginia Creeper Yoga

This weekend my family and I took a trip to Virginia to ride our bikes along the Virginia Creeper Trail. We loved the break. The kids were thrilled by our cramped hotel room, complete with a view of the golden arches on a 30 foot pole. It was sufficient though, and early on Saturday morn, we arose with fresh spirit and headed to the bike shop. With bikes in tow, we crammed into the van with 8 other passengers and headed up the mountain. It was a 17 mile ride down, with gorgeous views of a rushing fiver, magnificent rock faces, and beautiful fauna and wildflowers. We stopped along the way to skip stones, climb rocks, and dined on smushed PB&J sandwiches, in a gorgeous meadow with mountains surrounding us. We had to high tail it the last 5 miles (a slight incline) to make it on time for our shuttle. The kids did great, Sammy loved his trailer bumping along behind Daddy, sleeping from time to time. Believe it or not, I practiced yoga on my bike. As I was sailing down the path, I felt my back collapsing and elbows locking to keep me upright. I drew my shoulder blades down my back, drew my abdominals in, rolled my collar bones back, and lifted my head to catch a gaze at the blue sky above. I felt so alive and awake, and also so grateful to God for his beautiful creation. As I breathed in the surrounding splendor, I felt close to the divine, and held the moment in, and exhaled into the air, my gratitude and love for God.

Chaise Lounge Yoga

I am a firm believer that you can practice yoga anywhere, anytime. I sat in my chaise lounge, set the back to where I was semi-reclined, and placed my feet in baddha konasana, and breathed. As I focused my attention on my breath, I sank into my inner groins, released pain, tightness, through the keen observation of my breathing. After 10 minutes or so, I released the restorative pose, and watched the leaves rustle in the wind. I am always amazed by the wind.I love the sound, the feel, the power wind has. Really, it comes down to listening. How well do we listen, to ourselves, and to others? Are we in tune with the present moment, and all the beauty that is there awaiting us? Are we thinking ahead to the work week, our upcoming vacation, the things we want to accomplish? As I enter into a new reality of working 40 plus hours a week, I am faced with so many new and beautiful ways of living. There is before me an opportunity to serve the geriatric population with a smile and caring heart. My husband is taking on a new career path, and I get to be his biggest supporter. I also am grateful for the chance to learn a new way of living. If I allow myself to think of what I'd rather be doing, then I am missing out on what I am doing, right here, right now. So, that being said, I will commit to a daily meditation practice, and find a way to take a yoga class once a week, to help me remain present in my work. Looking into the deep green of the leaves, the deep blue of sky, the redness and complexity of the heart, I will do my best, to remain present, even in a chaise lounge.

Did it!

I did it! I got up after only 3 5minute snoozes, drank coffee, and stretched and practiced asana this morning...meditated too. It made a difference in the day. I felt calmer, and more at peace. Please pay no mind to the photo...I was giddy and tired...but thought I'd share that side of me with you.

It's been awhile...

Looking up at the clouds while lying down on my mat today I felt exhausted. In fact, when I awoke this morning I felt exhausted. I had some weird thing going on with my eyes, I have been at baseball for the better part of the weekend, and I even ran the concession stand for three and a half hours on Saturday! I told myself to give out a compliment to as many people as I could who placed their orders with me. It was fun, and challenging at times too. Sammy had a ball..like a kid in a candy shack, eyes like rainbow blow-pops he was mesmerized by all the choices of high fructose corn syrup, processed corn, and ice cold drinks to choose from. After baseball we put in a 12 plants in a bed we created a week ago. We then hosted a few baseball parents and kids for an informal cookout. Not to mention the previous night (at baseball) a dear friend showed up to watch the game (surprised us) and within 3 minutes her son had slashed his wrist on a rusty fence, and had to be rushed to urgent care! He is fine, had to get 9 stitches...all this in a weekend! So, my body tired, eyes tired, feet droopy, I laid down and felt what my body needed. Meditation, restorative, and stretches all came out while lying in the sticky heat under the puffy, fast moving clouds. So, I realize that my entries have diminished. I am working full time now, and life has taken a different path. I am challenging myself to waking at 5:30 each morning to practice mindful waking (sitting with coffee and slowly stretching) then either asana and definitely meditation. I also have to commit to a reasonable bedtime as well. No more 11:00 and after bedtime, I will intend to go to bed by 10 pm. 5:30 ain't bad if ya go to sleep at a reasonable hour. So...we shall see. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is often weak. I am a disciplined soul though, and have faith in myself that I too, can succumb to a challenge, even if it is posed by my self. Stay tuned....

Family Yoga

Matt and I slipped away to Asheville this weekend to celebrate with my siblings and parents the upcoming birth of my brother and wife's first baby. All siblings came without kids. We came without kids! What a difference this makes! For the first time in many years, we all were able to just be ourselves, take care of ourselves, be grown-ups, get into the essential nature of who we are besides being a parent. I offered my services as a yoga teacher to my family, not sure of who would want to partake, and what the response would be. Everyone came! The setting was divine! Our mats were placed on a lower deck with mountains and giant oaks surrounding us. The morning was perfect, sun with a few scattered clouds, a light and warm breeze, and of course, the birds were singing. We first centered our breath, and offered our love and support to the new baby growing within Becca. I then unfolded a practice to loosen the hips and create space in the low back. It was so much fun to see my family so eager and willing to practice the art of yoga! They were such good sports, and even did several partner poses and stretches. The responses were "I feel like I can run again!", and "My pain is significantly less, for the first time in 3 weeks". "If you moved to Asheville, you could teach classes on my deck, and people would come!!" It felt great to share my love of yoga with them, and I think for the first time, they caught a glimpse of another side to me, a side that is part of my essential nature, my yoga love.

Making time for yoga

Tonight, after playing baseball with the kids in the yard after dinner, I slipped away. Slipped away to my front porch for a cup of yoga. My body was feeling a little tense from the new change in life: working full time, and Matt being home. First, let me say Matt has been cooking up a storm lately, and last night, when I returned home from yoga class, inspired, but hungry, he had waiting for me a beautiful salad, with buttered bread slices and a big glass of wine! What a husband! He is so good to me. The boys have been great too, I think they are so interested in Matt they are tired of me. That is fine with me, for now. We are in the process of balancing the scale of parenting. So, I slipped away, and laid on my mat, and just listened. Mostly I felt tightness in my back, just above my lumbar curve. I did "dog" for a long time, or until my shoulders ached, and then I did a long child's pose, breathing deep into that place of pain in my back. I ended up doing a lot of core work again, more focused though on the alignment of my spine, and the breath moving freely up and down my spine. Just writing about the breath gives me heightened awareness of how important our breath is in our practice, and in life. Today as I left for another long day at the Alzheimer's home, I snapped at Matt.."I hate this white car!!" I am speaking of the car I am now forced to drive, a 1990 Oldsmobile that is a steel tank and major low-rider style. I can't believe I am saying that I miss my mini-van! Oh well. I am thankful that I have a car to drive, and that it is pretty reliable, even though the windshield wiper flew off while I was driving, and while it was raining! I could barely see! Life is crazy, but I am having fun, am thankful I can be my crazy self with Matt, and trying to SMILE...with STYLE, in my white shit PILE!

yoga inside looking out

Being in the outdoors and practicing yoga is a great experience. The birds seem to sing a tune to your beating heart, the wind blows just at the right time, and sometimes, if your lucky, the sun shines on your back, and not in your eyes, warming you with it's gentle kiss of heat. Today, as I stepped onto my mat layed out on the grass in college park, I began by meditating. First I closed my eyes, but then I opened them and noticed the twisting trunks of trees, wide landscapes of color from the river rocks in the stream. As I observed nature, many things occurred in a matter a few moments. 2 little birds starting argueing and wrestling with eachother in the trees...it was quite dramatic! 3 youngsters (in their teens) showed up and were hanging out, talking and laughing with eachother. 2 boys began to play basketball. This all within 15 -20 feet from me. I continued my practice, lunges, warrior, triangle, wide legged forward bend, and so on. As I breathed in the spring air, the energy from the teens, the bouncing ball and basket with the metal net, The birds, the wind, the spikey grass, I felt alive with a sense of purpose and presence. As I wrapped up my practice, rolled up my mat, I looked into the sky, gave thanks for another day to practice, to being alive and in the world, and the journey that is my life. Namaste.

9:15

9:15. That is when I set foot from my haven of sheets and pillow mattress that supports this body of mine. Pumped up by the sunshine, the feeling of inspiration and productivity on my hands, I set foot on my front porch and took in the sound of birds and wind chimes, sunlight filtering in through the leafed out trees. I brought my body into a challenging sequence of standing twists and arm balances. Ending with an attempt at revolved crane pose (an arm balance where you prop your legs on your arms and balance on your hands), I didn't quite make lift off, but allowed my body to feel it, experience the power of facing the unknown. The unknown of if my face would crash into the concrete deck of the porch. Facing the unknown of how I will handle a 40 hour work week. Facing the unknown of a new job in the next 2 weeks. As I breathed in the crisp air, I heard the chimes singing to me, their rhythm also unknown, but only carried by the whim of the wind, and what comes out is unplanned, natural, and beats to the ever changing face of Mother Nature.

where is the time going?

I set out to document daily the effect yoga has on my life. I am falling short on the daily part, and mostly I feel it is a time issue. Baseball is in full swing, Matt still gone all week, and me working and managing the kids. Soon Matt will be home, I'll be working full time, and he'll start school May 10. Big changes ahead. At least with him home, I'll have my partner in craziness back, and the load will be dispersed. I did a sequence for gardening at my latest class. Challenging, relaxing, and energizing, all in one class. One day I hope to have my own studio space, a place I can call my own, to teach yoga and yoga therapy. Now, I must continue to meditate on the present moment, although at times my breath is rough, and I get concerned for the future, I must stay with it, and not run and hide. I will try to search for the silver lining, be real with myself, and accept life as it comes my way and work towards progressing and evolving all the while. Stay tuned.....

Forward bends

Sinking into my forward bend, I can more clearly see my thoughts, feelings, and can connect with my body in a more intimate way. This inward turn into our heart, helps us to process and gain perspective into our life, and gives our body a break from taking the lashing it does from the brutality life can be sometimes. We all suffer. Some of us more than others, some for longer periods of time. Is the suffering internal, or external? Is it Both? How do we take our suffering and transform it, so that it doesn't suffocate us, or stagnate us but allows us to expand, and continue to take the "higher road" as Bill Moyers might say. Back to the forward bend. Forward bends take us deep into our hearts, deep into our back body, and with the intelligence of the mind, and the power of the breath, slowly unleashes the clamps of heartache, anger, impatience, hunger, stress, and release our spines to help lift us up again! How beautiful! Sometime soon, sit on your mat, and just begin to play with your body (in the yoga way) and see where it takes you. Maybe you will find that what you need is sitting meditation with breath awareness. You may find that Dog feels good, and you wonder why you don't let the dog out to play more. Or maybe you lie in shavasana, and just breathe, observing your thoughts, and just allowing yourself to be free, even just for 10 minutes. Yoga at its core will transform those ready to receive the teachings. Listen, feel, breathe, adjust, listen, feel, breathe, relax.

Screaming in savasana

I was determined to do a "full" practice today. 26 poses to be exact. I instructed the kids that I needed them to be quiet and "not fight". Those were my only requirements. Eli sat and read the whole time in our egg swing, giving input into the levelness of my hips in some of the harder standing poses. Jonah and Sammy lasted about 30 minutes, with me having to intervene quite a bit. There is something disturbing about resting in savasana while you hear screaming and yelling coming from the bedrooms upstairs. Try as I might to remain cool, It was upsetting to me to hear them fighting, while trying to cultivate peace within my body and spirit. I had promised them a visit to the drug store to get Pokemon cards that they could buy with their allowance. Sadly, Jonah and Sammy did not get their allowance or get to buy any cards due to their behavior. This caused much angst and tearful crying in the car. But, I had warned them, given them several chances, and they did not live up to their end of the bargain. Being a parent, a good parent is tough. It requires patience, diligence, consistency, firmness, kindness, and most of all LOVE. Sometimes tough love. I think they learned their lesson. As for yoga, and its benefits to me, my body felt wonderful after my sequence. I did most of the standing poses, twists, forward bends, headstand and shoulderstand, and my savasana with kids screaming. My body felt balanced, my heart felt the pain of having to say "no" to my dear children with big drippy tears in their eyes, but knowing it was the correct thing to do. I will say not having the peace of a quiet savasana made a difference in the overall feeling I had after my practice. Quite often, there is a blissful, satisfied feeling, that ruminates for a few hours, casting a glow on the world, and my heart. At least my body felt integrated, and although I had to deal with screaming, unruly kids, I gave thanks to a gracious God who gives me a body and family to come home to.

If I pray

before I lay my soul to sleep,
I pray that I may early wake,
and practice yoga in the morn,
so I can get crackin' on the corn

back bending

The breeze catches my hair, lifts the curl that has fallen into my eyes, I am gazing up, legs spread strongly over powerful and expanding feet. My abdomen draws in, as I extend and stretch my spine, and then I reach out to the sky, and to the ground, and breathe into this all powerful, open, stimulating, invigorating, relaxing AND informative pose that is TRIANGLE!!! The weather was perfect, I am at ease, I can hear the birds, the trees, and the wind that makes me feel closer to God. As I move through my day, I feel as if I have had a physical therapy lesson, and a trip to the psychologist, the heart doctor, listened to philosophy, and communed with the divine source that lives in the well of our spirit.

I welcome the sun

This morning, as I awoke to a quiet and sleepy house, I sat up in bed and noticed the sunrise coming through my windows (notice picture above...this is the view out my window). Matt was snoring in bed, eyes closed tight, lead limbed, peaceful. I saw the sun, red and expanding across the sky, shining through the pillar trees casting shadows in the morning mist. Red sky in the morning...sailors take warning. Hmmm is a storm coming? I followed this thought and sank back into bed, being grateful for our bed, and the wonderful party we had last night. So many awesome friends, such good food, and a reason to celebrate...Matt turning 40. I eventually got to my mat this afternoon, in the gray sky the leaves rustled, the birds chirped beauty songs, and Maggie lay by my mat as I began my practice. I thought sun salutations would be great, but as soon as I got into the forward bend, I sank into myself, and allowed my knees to soften under the weight of my trunk, felt and watched as my breath carried itself into my back, my abdomen, my neck. Following the gradual journey of breath I relaxed my jaw, shook out my neck, and turned inward to my spirit. Mostly quiet here today. Feeling tired, but satisfied, I stayed here and just breathed. I knew I was to tired to practice sun salutations, so I stretched my legs in dog. Feeling even more tired, I laid on my back and was astonished at the sky. Dark gray clouds mixed with light, deep and long they rolled in. My feet reaching up into the sky, I gazed over them into the abyss of clouds, breathing, watching, dreaming.

Follow the breath

Where did my body and breath take me today? I followed my breath as I arched and rounded my back during cat and cow poses. My sacrum was feeling out of place, and it hurt! I focused intently on my lumbar area, and soon realized how to contract all my little deep core muscles in the basin of the pelvis. I intuitively did lots of core work (maybe 10-12 minutes) Of leg lifts and trunk rotations, really concentrating on keeping my back pain free, and aligned. I also did a lot of upper body strengthening...handstand preps, dog, forearm balance preps. As challenging as this was, my breath came alive and took me into a place deep within the well of my soul. How glorious to have visited this place within myself, this "god space" our spirit, the light of wisdom and grace. Flowing freely with it, even for that single second, I caught a glimpse of beauty, a voice that guides our practice, guides our intentions in life. I intend to be a Great MOM, although I can fall short of that at times. I intend to be an understanding and supportive wife, although I can get bitchy sometimes :). I intend to be a good friend who is genuine and dependable, I intend to be a better therapist to my patients at the "crib" at Carriage House. What are your intentions? Listen in the quiet space of your heart, Hear your heart beat, feel the rhythm of your soul calling your name. Sometimes it's jazz, sometimes the blues...other times it's plain old funky! Listen, and we shall be guided and held, by a gracious and loving God.

waffle house yoga

Scattered, smothered and diced? Thats how I felt today while practicing my poses today...utterly scattered, not in a bad way, but it was CRAZY where my mind was taking me! I went all the way into Thanksgiving future! Whoa nelly! As I looked out my windows, into the trees, I realized I was, simply scattered. So I sat down, did some core work, and the phone rang! I smiled, laid on the floor while I talked to Debra, and was satisfied with the little yoga I had experienced.

Frogs...be quiet!

My joy for the frog(s) in our little pond by my bedroom window is gone. He chirped all night long, apparently announcing his re-birth into the world. His chirp is constant and loud, and now he needs to be quiet and let me sleep! That's all for today.

Frogs!

There are frogs singing tonight!!! They seem to have come out of the ground, soggy, and wet, throaty and guttural, loud and proud, these frogs that live on our land. Sing your songs dear frogs, and tell me true, how does it feel to be out of winter blue? I see the daffodils, lifting their heads, on green stems they cling and sing, out to the sun, the fire in our hearts, reminds us to press on, press on. Like the frogs, coming out of the ground, we too, shall move on, sometimes soggy and wet, but hopeful, with a song in our hearts.