A new member of the Family

Hello! I have missed so much blogging and documenting. Our computer crashed, and we also adopted a rescued German Shepherd from Georgia. His name is Kaiser, and he is big, beautiful, and getting used to the family of Yonaitis. I have practiced quite a bit of yoga lately, and have enjoyed the dogs reaction to my stretching out on my mat. They sniff and snort, stretch and groan, just like we do. It also seems to make them happy. As I spent this busy weekend with our new dog, I also reflected on my life, especially my feelings of Matt being away so much. How can I change this? I ask of myself. I can't. Through our many conversations about "the meaning of life", I have to trust that Matt is walking his path. He knows we need him home. He knows it can be a load to be at home raising a family without his presence much of the time. It must be a load for him, being gone and in hotel rooms, missing basketball games, Sammy's crazy antics, dinnertime together. So, how does this and yoga relate? Yoga helps me to process my feelings. It helps me to connect with my spirit, to feel God's voice humming inside me. It helps me to be real. It helps me to not be afraid of my feelings. It helps my body release the toxicity of stress and channel it in a positive way. Yes, this blog is indeed about my feelings, my life, but yoga is my life, and I hope I am relating the two well. Thank you for reading, for taking the time to be a part of my life. I love your comments!

I love Yoga

Teaching my first class after a year and a half, and 7 months post hip surgery was, in one word...awesome! I wasn't nervous at all, although a few days prior to teaching I thought maybe I'd lost my knack. My faith in myself was restored when 13 shining faces greeted me with smiles and receptivity just flowing through their hearts. I felt like I had returned home, to a place that not only challenges me to grow, but connects me to so many wonderful people, who have come to let me teach them the art of yoga. As I head in this direction again, I am reminded that I am so blessed, to have found something that I am so passionate about, an outlet for me to express myself creatively, expand my body and mind, and learn to be more compassionate to others too. I am going to set some goals, asana wise, for myself, and will document the experience I have in attempting to reach these goals.

Listening to the trees

Well, the final member of the Yonaitis family got the wicked stomach bug, and started our week with a bang. Queasy stomachs abound, every time I turn around, my hands feel bound, on my face I feel a frown, I getta get outta town, away, from this stomach bug! I snuck yoga in twice today. It was incredibly windy, so I was outside getting some fresh air, and found a lovely place to sit, criss cross applesauce, and let the sun shine on my face while I breathed and meditated. I felt a little sad, missing my husband Matt, as he seems to be away so much of the time. I don't want this to turn into a boo-hoo party, because I wasn't crying, okay? Then I went home, and boys just lounged around and I did yoga on the deck with Sammy on the rope swing. I begin teaching tomorrow, and am really excited to see all my yoga friends, and to see what comes out during my teaching. I will try to see if I can summon Iyengar to give proper instruction on alignment, and how we, while working with the body, help to discover our souls, the spirit voice inside of us that leads the way on this path of life. I realized as we are walking our path, if we seek out to live a more positive, aware, and constructive life, we will never be short of challenges. We can call them adventures if we want, as long as we continue to live responsibly, working toward being committed to being true to ourselves. Which gets me back to the title of this entry. I feel God in the wind and the trees. As I sat, stood, balanced, twisted, and layed on my mat this afternoon, I felt their language loud and clear. I encourage you to sit by a tree, meditate, practice asana, or simply just listen. Powerful, powerful stuff. Goodnight

It's not over yet

I spent the night in Durham with my parents for a dear friends 50th birthday celebration. Matt (my husband) was unable to come, as work had him tied up in Baltimore. After I got home (around midnight), my Dad was waiting up for me, wanting to just share some conversation with me. We talked for almost an hour, and bleary eyed, he went up to bed around 1am. I couldn't sleep, so much again on my mind, and mostly really missing Matt so much. Just as I drifted off, I heard a sound coming from the hall. Eli was in the bathroom, throwing up. "Good job Eli!, for making it to the toilet!". I cried. "Thanks, but I missed the first one." he replied weakly. With sandpaper eyes, quicksand feet, rocks in my stomach, I peered around the bed hoping for the best, and I saw the worst. A large heaping pile of you know what. I gasped. I knew darn well what lay ahead. I wasn't angry anymore, just tired, but again, my heart went out to my baby of 9 years. I did the duty, and steeled myself for another sleepless night. And it was just that. Stretching in the morning while drinking coffee with my Mom, I enjoyed a bit of body release. I knew Matt was coming home today, and although he would be home for less than a full day, he would be a sight for sore eyes.

stormy on the inside

Anger. That is what I felt today. Overwhelmed. Tired. Trapped. All very real and negative emotions. I have read that anger is really sadness, but more easily expressed as it gives a person a feeling of entitlement rather than a pitiful approach. Anger is easier to be as sadness gives way to vulnerability. Anger is self protective, walled up heart, jaded heart. I knew my reasons, I knew why I was so angry, but I could not shake my crankiness. After a full day (starting at the crack of 7am on a Saturday) of basketball and running a few errands with the kids, I knew I had to get to my mat. Even though I have been inspired by rigorous asana lately, I knew what I needed was a restorative practice. So I laid my mat down, put my face in the sun, and stretched my angry soul down for some quiet. The first thing I noticed was how shallow my breath was. Then I noticed my clenching jaw. Then I noticed my mind wanted to wander. Then my shoulders wanted to buddy up by my ears. EXHALE I relax it all and let go. Practicing Viloma 3 (the 3 part breath) while perched on my bolster with my heart and chest open, I massaged my internal organs with the movement of my breath. Even with sounds of Sccoby doo in the background, I faded into a place of peace, practicing for maybe 15 minutes of pranayama. I lost track of time. I opened my eyes, first sight was my large oak tree. Each branch and limb I could make out, each one reaching up to the sun. Little fingers of life with brand new buds to share with the wind. I saw how easily their limbs moved in the breeze, how peaceful that tree was. Exhaling, I rolled off my bolster, stayed on my side feeling my body, breath expanding into my limbs. Fatigue is gone. Anger is subdued, and although I don't feel as if I should jump for joy, I feel neutralized, ready to go on with my day, with new eyes.

Tears

a sleepless night with poor Samuel who, awoke at 1:30 am, and me, unable to sleep for to many reasons to list, came to bed with me for the night. I gladly greeted him by holding his body close to mine. I was grateful for the company, and his skin was so sweet smelling after his bath. He got comfortable, and then touched my face, and rubbed his hand along it, like I do to him. Then we drifted off. 30 minutes later I awoke to a gurgle, and then splat! Vomitus erectus right in the kisser. Another sleepless night went on and on, and my heart went out to my baby. So here I am, finally through the rough stuff, 5 loads of super hot laundered bed clothes to sort, cleaning out bookshelves, body tired, emotionally fragile, but somehow unable to sleep. So I clean, organize. I stumble upon a poem I wrote, and I'll share it with you, it is about my beloved dog Otto, who died over a year ago, by wandering off from a friends woods at night. He was 15.
Oh Otto
sleeping soundly in the woods
eyes are closed
fur is matted
heart is close to the ground
spirit is with the animal spirits
Thank you for your life
You gave to us so freely
you knew what to do that night.
You crept away so I wouldn't know,
silently found a quiet place to rest.
Your head began to whirl with the night air as your eyes
jumped with visions of boys, hide and seek, swimming and jumping for sticks.
Your heart beating fast, my face comes to you then the bright white light
sweeps you up in all its comfort and warmth.

I'm Baaaack!

a bug came and bit me, right in the stomach! I had a terrible stomach bug, and tonight, for the first time in 2 days, I am feeling my strength return. My thoughts as I was sick turned to those suffering in Haiti, how many must be so sick and injured, and have no food, water, or warm soft bed to rest in. Since my boys missed some much needed tub time, I scrubbed them (literally scrubbed) although I used a "poof" and not a hard bristle brush. Jonah had the most accumulated dirt of the three. I had to scrub him for a solid 10 minutes with multiple doses of soap to get all the dirt off. I told him he must be a Huckleberry Finn protege of maybe even Tom Sawyer. He then asked me if that was a chapter book and did it have pictures and what kind of adventures did they go on, and did they get really dirty? His eyes were so bright and inquisitive. I have often tried to imagine my life with girls. I am Boys Mom. I don't comb hair but once a week. I don't mess with barrette's and braids. I have a fair share of drama and it usually involves fighting or name calling. I feel so blessed today to have these wonderful creatures that are my children. I am anxious to get back to my yoga practice now that I am not heaving every 30 minutes. I am feeling inspired....

Barely Breathing

Today was a difficult day at work. As I ponder my purpose here on earth I still have to be present to the life I am currently leading. I feel content with my purpose of being a Mom. I am fine with being a wife to a great guy (You just go on "Matt the Barbarian" with your bad self!). I continue to grapple with my current job providing therapy to Alzheimer's patients. As I watch their slow descent, it strikes a blow to my heart. As much as I do, their brain continues to deteriorate, melting white matter into a black lagoon of lost memories and bizarre behaviors. Sometimes funny, sometimes heart warming, often horrifying, I witness the slow and transforming death of a person's spirit. Even though I am helping them for that moment in time, I am not affecting the overall outcome, or helping to transform the worlds consciousness by what I am doing. As this is a complex issue, I will stop here, and tell you how I practiced yoga today. I had 15 minutes of "free" time today (between getting off work and 2 basketball practices I had to shuttle kids back and forth to). I practiced meditation lying down. First I just followed my thoughts, then I imagined I was looking at clouds (this was my favorite part!), then I chanted a mantra (in my mind), and then I just breathed with awareness. I got up, put on some jeans, shook my booty, and got on with my beautiful, ever-evolving life.

Holding in the laughter

I squeezed in a short yoga practice today. My mind felt scattered, and it seemed to keep shifting off my body and breath, and to all the things I wanted to accomplish today. I kept bringing my mind back to my body, and accepted that today, I was simply, scattered. I brought the boys to church, while Matt had a household project to do. During church, Jonah rolled up his bulletin, and during one of the songs let out a loud "alleluia" through the rolled up "trumpet". The music ended and all you could hear for a split second was my little choir boy Jonah. Of course a few people snickered here and there, but Eli and Jonah were ready to bust, just waiting for the loud organ to start so they could let out a little laughter. It reminded me of when I was little, sitting through church with my siblings, and finding all kinds of things to laugh at to help make the time pass. We weathered my Mother's sharp glances when we laughed or smirked. Today, I smiled at my boys, told them to be quiet, but showed them my smile, because it really was, quite funny.

warrior soul

As I was practicing yoga in the afternoon breeze, I was overcome with a sense of gratitude for all that I have in my life. Looking around my yard, Sammy was swinging playfully on our rope swing, demanding that I "watch me swing Mom!" I would, and then I would return to my yoga poses, and he would be fine, as long as he could see my buttocks in the air peeking over the deck railing (can you guess which pose I was in?). I have really been focusing on Warrior 2 or "Virabhadrasana II" and have been studying the effects and variations it has on my body. I can see why Mr. Iyengar chose this pose as a foundation pose for the remainder of standing poses, and all the other 200 plus poses there are. After repeatedly lifting my chest while drawing all my muscles in to my core, expanding my arms out to the sides, I felt strong, courageous, willing to receive and accept what might come my way. As I continued on in my practice, in and out of spending time with Samuel and the kids, I realized that spending time on my body, with yoga helps me be a better Mom. I can feel my body soften to their calls, I listen better, I am stronger all around so that I can play a quick game of basketball. Or chase their perfect little bodies all over my yard and pin them down (I call it taking them down to china town.) They LOVE it! I love it! I want to be 70 years old and still be able to get up and down off the floor. I want to be 80 years old and be willing to hear a different point of view and not get ruffled by it. I want to be 90 years old and walk with a straight back and open heart. I don't think I'll ever wear the polyester stretch pants, I am going yoga pants all the way, they are the BOMB!

Body Love

Last night as I was reading to my boys, I couldn't help but notice my "buddha belly" hanging out in a nice round rim around my waist. I have to say I really do not like this area of my body. It seems impetuous, this body of fat, holding a moat conference around my waist. So instead of squeezing or pinching the hell out of it in disgust, I began to rub it, saying out loud to Jonah (7) and Samuel (3) "Look at Mom's cute little belly, oh, it is so soft, oh, how good it feels to rub it!" and I began rubbing it, and they did too! And then a fight broke out about who got to rub Mom's belly fat that she really can't stand, but changed her perception of it, for that moment in time. For the first time, I really did like my belly fat! Now, I am not condoning obesity, but let's all take a moment to look at our bodies, and instead of hating what we wish looked different, loving and accepting our bodies as they are. When I woke up this morning, I rubbed my empty belly, and smiled.

Body Language

I had the most beautiful thing happen today. I had several things I had planned to do with my afternoon, when it all didn't go as planned. Sammy ended up napping (not his usual) and it is a gorgeous day out- did you hear the birds singing? The boys played outside most of the afternoon, and I practiced yoga in my sunroom. My body was a callin' for some yogaaaaaa loving! Sun is shining, I felt like a warrior discovering her body, all my aches and little pains being worked out, all with the guidance of millions upons millions of cells firing from the tips of my toes and on up to my fingertips. This is the best I can remember, and not as much detail!
1. Dog pose-3 minutes moving dynamically and coming high up on toes, bending kness, firming shoulder blades on my back
2. walk forward to standing forward bend
3. handstand prep
4. extended standing forward bend with block
5. dog pose
6. supine hamstring stretch
7. supta baddha konasana (reclined cobblers pose)
8. Tadasana (mountain)
9. Urdhva Hastasana
10 Urdhva Hastasana with side bend
11. Urdhva Hastasana with arms over head (handstand prep)
12. Vira 2 (warrior 2) vini yoga style (ask me in class)
13. Vira 1 (warrior 1) vivi yoga breathing
14 . mountain
15. Rev. triangle with blocks
16. wide legged standing forward bend
17. dog
18. locust
19. half frog
20. bow
21. dog 2 minutes
22. handstand against wall
23. side bending stretches
24 simple seated twist
25. savasana with breath awareness/meditation of receiving light from God
Namaste

summoning the light

I am beginning to realize more and more every day what a HUGE commitment I have made to myself by writing this blog. Not only am I disciplining myself to make time to practice, I am journaling too, sometimes about very real and personal subjects near to my heart. I felt ready to drop by 7pm tonight, and kept thinking of ways I could get out of blogging, and practicing yoga. I'll even admit it would be easy to just write a sequence down that I have taught or done before and you would be none the wiser. I couldn't do that though, that would be breaking the yama (moral observations) of satya, translated as truthfulness/honesty from the Sanskrit language. So I thought, what do I really need? Meditation
I lit a candle (green for my heart chakra :), and straightened my back and watched my mind. I like to imagine that our minds are like an ocean: vast and wide. Breathing in, I calm my body, exhaling, I know this is a wonderful moment. I began chanting "OM" and in seconds my dog Maggie was on me. She had this strange look in her eyes "what the hell sound is she making?" I calmed her down, and after chanting OM again for awhile I finally felt my mind begin to calm, and I felt peace. My mind expanded, and I realized I have peace whenever I make time for it in my life. I am so glad I have made this commitment to myself, as it is helping me discovery my true path. The path of yoga.

Constructive Rest

I felt better today as I went along with my usual activities. I went to the gym to burn some energy on the elliptical- and my hip pain is improving. So, after a VERY busy day I was trying to imagine practicing yoga too. After I fixed dinner, cleaned all the dishes, finished helping the kids with homework, picked up, sorted some laundry, made a few phone calls to the insurance company, checked my bank acct, fed and walked the dog, made lunches for the all 3 boys, I laid my body down, and did what any young mother would do...I just laid there. Flat on the floor, knees bent, hand on my stomach. It was AMAZING! I began to focus on my breath, and soon, I began to feel all the tension in my neck, back and shoulders. As I continued to breathe, this tension slowly melted away. Constructive rest, indeed!
1. Constructive rest -10 minutes with breath awareness

PS- Please comment in the comment section if you want to. I am working on getting a link sent to your email when I post. Thanks for reading!

Crawling under the Covers

I know I am not alone when I say that today when I got home from work, I wanted to crawl under the covers and dream my life away. My SI joint has been sending me messages for about a week now, and I have been hearing them loud and clear. I also feel somewhat stuck in my work, working with Alzheimer's patients, trying to provide meaningful and purposeful treatment is a challenge given their extreme impairments. And Matt (my husband) left again for another week away, leaving all the chores and responsibilities of a busy home to me. Poor old me. Can someone pass me some Kleenex PLEASE! My family used to say to me "are you having a pity party, Cathy?" So guess what? I did just that... turned on a show for Samuel, crawled under my covers, and closed my eyes for around 30 minutes. When the 2 older ones arrived home I sluggishly and feeling cold to the bone starting doing all my chores. I then made some tea, and after did some sun salutations! Hello SUN! my body warm, my heart centered, looking out at the beautiful trees lit up by the winter sky brought me right back to the beauty of the moment. With Lego's underfoot, Wii in the background, I committed myself to a practice. Tuning into my breath, I felt all the tension in my back. Exhaling, the muscles loosened their grip, as my head began to inch closer, and closer to the earth. Feeling my heart open to this releasing I looked around me, and in the midst of all the clutter (the clutter of my mind) I caught a glimpse of bliss. The peace that can only come from the inside. Like a flame that does not surrender to the wind, there was a stillness, a respite, a cupping from God, he was holding me in this silence. "thank you" I whispered. The flame slowly flickered, wavered, and CRASH! Here comes Sammy!
1. Sun Salutations with Crescent Moon lunge (2 times)
2. Dog Pose -2-3 minutes
3. Constructive rest with a Maggie sand bag on my chest
4. Pelvic clock exercises to train the deep muscles in the pelvic floor
5. Leg lifts with one leg bent and one leg at a time (10 or so)
6. Constructive rest with a Sammy sandbag and hot breaths blown on our necks
7. Dog pose- 2-3 minutes
Namaste

A fresh start

This morning, my mother in law asked me to show her some stretching. So I took her through what I call my "morning routine". She has taken yoga before, but there were a few poses she has never experienced before. It was fun sharing with her the simple stretching and breathing routine. At the end, I put her in "supta baddha konasana" with props, blankets and pillows...how heavenly.
1. full body stretch with ankle rolls
2. single knee to chest- right and then left
3. double knee to chest
4. big toe pose 1, 2, 3
5. eye of needle
6. cat/cow with breath awareness
7. dog pose
8. childs pose
9. dog-plank-dog-walk forward to standing forward bend
10. mountain
11. mountain with side bend (palm)
12 gomukhasana arms (cowface arms)
13. garudasana arms (eagle)
14. savasana

I went on after #13 and did triangle, warrior, extended side angle, and ardha chandrasana (3 breaths) I am trying to build my hp up! I inserted wide legged forward bend between poses.
Namaste!!!

Being Honest

How hard it can be to tell the truth sometimes. I mean the deep down, taking a good soft look at yourself and being compassionate about your situation. Wow, I can't believe I just wrote that! I first wrote "take a good HARD look at yourself. What a difference one word can make. Looking softly at myself, can I then be softer to others, namely those that challenge me and and bring out qualities that are undesirable, like anger, frustration, and impatience? While these qualities are normal to express, we can learn from them by examining our reactions and looking for the root cause of why we may get so disturbed. Then, taking it a step further, can we look at ourselves with acceptance, understanding, and patience? Getting to my point of being softer on ourselves coupled with being honest, allows us to more deeply express our true emotions, and helps us develop into the creative, and loving human beings that we are. The truth is, I had a terrible flare up, my entire left hip (my surgical hip), became inflamed after my "sweating" entry. Then one day later I got my period and had to take a break from vigorous asana practice. I was terribly hard on myself when this occured. All kinds of thoughts popped into my head..."you can't teach anymore, you can't enroll in the 500 hour teacher trainer, you are out of shape, you are getting old, you are a weakling, and on and on. I realized tonight, that I need to be softer on myself, and that all good things will come, and that this flare up, may have occured anyway, without my vigorous asana practice. I learned, the hard way (by beating myself up) that what I really need to do is to be softer with my precious self. If I can remember that next time something like this comes along, the road won't be as bumpy, I won't be as grumpy, and my hip won't be so lumpy....till next time, whoever may be reading this!

yoga on ice

Ok, I missed one day, because it was my birthday yesterday! I still walked the path of a yogi, in fact, I am a yogi. Today...I practiced a few poses for fun on the frozen pond by our house...pictures to follow. What a beautiful sight to see all 3 boys sliding and crawling on the ice, and then my husband.starts to jump on it, just willing to make the ice crack! He is so young at heart, that is what I love about him, spontaneous and wondrous is he. The wind was blowing, the smiles were flowing, my feet were freezing, and our hearts were warm. The dogs were jumping and thrashing about, licking the cold ice, and pawing at the edges to lick the ice cold water below. A large water tunnel layed ahead of us, and the kids wanted to run through it. I could see the other side, so all 3 boys ran under the street, excited by the thrill of a black hole tunnel to run through. How fun it would be to have the heart of a child again. At what point does our heart change, or does it change at all? When do we suddenly lose the inspiration to run through tunnels, to get wet in the ocean, to get sandy, to run wild late in the night with only a t-shirt on? I suppose I would would be willing to go through the tunnel, but maybe it's the knowing what is on the other side that keeps me from going through. Or maybe it's the excuse.."I'll have to stoop over and it'll hurt my back", that keeps me from doing it. I did go sliding on the ice, I didn't lick it, but I attempted to do a running a slide! I think that's pretty cool! I'm a mom of 3 boys. I must not lose my child heart. I must remember to be a child, just like my children. If I look into their eyes, and listen intently to their stories they can teach me so much. It is in this awareness, in this mutual receptivity towards each other, that we both begin to grow, as parent and child, together, blooming.

a slow practice for fast times

Today's practice involved 3 poses. As I taught a private yoga lesson with my dear friend and student "S", we took time to just breathe and feel our body relaxing into the props below us. This is a "fast" time in my life, as I am raising 3 boys, work 20 hours a week, and have a husband who travels a lot. It seems the response from most people when you do get a chance to talk with them is "Man am I busy!" or "Life is just CRAZY!" Well, have I got a practice for you my friends. A restorative practice is considered an advanced practice. As we place our body in a supported restful position we must lie quiet with our breath and observe our mind. Many people find a restorative practice difficult, as they are not able to shut down the mind that is in high gear most of the time. If you are feeling stressed, and want to sneak in a little yoga, I highly recommend even just one of these poses. My goal is to post some pictures and get the blog more updated with more links as I go along this journey.


1. Supta baddha Konasana (reclined bound angle pose) 20 minutes with centering breath
2. Vipariti Karani cycle (Legs up the wall cycle) 15 minutes with natural nose breathing
3. Reclined twist with bolster (5 minutes each side)
4. Savasana (corpse pose) 7-15 minutes

Seeing the light in others

I am currently working on seeing the "light" in people that are difficult for me to love. How about the woman, handing out medicines, with a far away look in her eyes, occasionally gruff, not focused on who she is giving medicine to. For a few moments today, I stood in a point in the room, and just zoned in on her energy. Not judging, not criticizing, just open, and receptive to what she was feeling at that very moment. I let go of any prior thoughts or knowledge I had of her. After a few minutes went by, I saw a softness in her eyes, and observed her to be gentle with a person in need of a some tenderness. For one moment I saw her light shine! Smiling on the inside, which manifests into a wider smile and brightness on the outside, I went on my way of engaging people in their different occupational therapy tasks. Again I ask, "Is this yoga?" You tell me.

sweating

Today was such a treat! I didn't have to work, and I was so thankful for the quiet morning at home after traveling to catch up etc. After sending a big mailer about yoga activities and such, I reconnected with some friends, and settled in for a rigorous yogasana session. I felt the need for standing postures, as my hip has been tight, and virabhadrasana and trikonasana would be welcome friends to visit to discuss my body imbalances!
1. Suptapadangusthasana 1, 2, 3(Big toe pose)
2. Supta Konasana, supta baddha konasana (reclined wide angle, reclined cobbler
3. Dog 2-3 minutes
4. Balasanana (childs pose)
5. Dog walk forward to extended forward bend
6. Uttanasana (2 minutes)
7. Tadasanana (mountain)
8. Vrksasana (tree)
9. Trikonasana (triangle)
10 Vira 2 (warrior 2)
11. Utthita Parsvakonasana (extended side angle)
12. Uttanasana
13. Ardha Chandrasana (Half Moon)
14. Parvottanasana (Intense side stretch)
15. Dog-Plank-Dog X 5 breath holds in each
16. Ardha Navasana - 5 times with -3 breaths each
17. Plank with push-ups (5)
18. Dandasana (staff)
18 Suhkasana forward bend (easy seated)
19. Savasana

Letting Go

Today, my family traveled back from a wonderful trip to Atlanta over the New Year's Holiday. It was mostly a spontaneous trip, as we figured Matt (my husband) would not be able to be home in time to make the beloved countdown to New Years Day. Well, surprise, surprise, we made it, and at first I was really stressed out about this "shift" in what I expected to happen. Then, I began to realize that family and being together with my family is more important to me (and my husband) than spending my weekend of New Years doing all the things on my list. So I let it go. How good that feels but can be so very hard to do. I often have difficulty letting go of difficult emotions. There are times I may feel insecure about myself, and worry about how others view me. This is an awful feeling, that burns precious energy, and skews our perception of reality. Today, as I worked with that feeling, I looked into my heart, and looked into my spirit, and lo and behold, I had nothing to be ashamed of! It is funny how we can blow things out of proportion, and miss the boat entirely! Is this yoga? My vote is a soft "yes". How can we improve the shape of this world, if we are unloving towards ourselves? Yoga teaches self awareness, and seeing the divine not only in others, but in ourselves as well. I would be missing the boat, if in my insecurity, I grew impatient towards my child, or snapped at my husband, or hissed at drivers who drove to slow or to fast. The beauty of yoga is to allow ourselves to feel what we feel, and then let it go, so that we may view the world in a different light, a new light, with new eyes. Break our patterns of negative internal dialogue. Break our habits that are destructive. Break our ideas of who we think we are and how we think we ought to act. If we first seek our hearts advice, cast our eyes into our inner light, that is filled with a burning fire of love that is God's hand, we will act in the divine way. It sure ain't easy. I am definitely far from perfect, I occasionally snap at my husband, and get impatient towards my kids(I am sure there is much more to list all my shortcomings, but I'm trying to focus on the positive!). Am I trying to walk in the light? Yes, and hopefully you will too. Think of what our world would be if we all just loved ourselves a bit more. I'll end with a quote from Thich Nhat Hahn "breathing in I smile, exhale, I relax my body. breathing in to the present moment, exhaling I know this is a wonderful moment" Thanks for listening, whoever may be out there!

January 2, 2010

Ok, first let me tell you, I love the fact that I have made this committment to myself. I practiced asana, for 25 or so minutes tonight at around 9 pm. I felt the familiar pull of my body saying I didn't have to practice, especially being on vacation at my sisters house in Roswell, Ga. There was also many distractions. Kids fighting over the about 4000 lego pieces they rec'd for Christmas presents, Samuel asking me to chase him for the 50th time today, farting dogs, and men in tight pants (Ha Ha :)). Regardless of all that, I was able to squeeze in a small, but lovely routine, that brought warmth to my back body, and helped to keep the fire going in my heart, the fire of LOVE I have for yoga.

1. Uttanasana (standing for. bend)
2. Uttanasana with a twist
3. Uttanasana with elbows bent- 2 minutes
4. Dog -2 minutes
5. Vira 2-Warrior 2
6. Triangle
7. Warrior 2
8. Extended side angle pose
(I did poses 5-8 flow style first to right, then to the left)
9. Easy sated pose with a twist to the right and left
10 staff pose
11. staff pose with a twist
12. head to knee pose (with a sammy sand bag on my back for the left leg straight)
13. legs up the wall pose with 3 leg variations for savasana.

I must say this will be a challenge, to not only practice, but write about it as well, but what comes from challenges? Hopefully a stronger mind, a stronger body, and more open and flexible heart.

With Love
Cathy

Happy New Year

"Om Shanti shanti shanti" I said to the moon, full and bright against the indigo sky filled with stars. Holding my 3 year old Samuel's hand in the windy cold, for one or two moments, I felt the beauty of the sky, the cold, the little body that is Samuel, whose spirit is as bright as the moon is brilliant. I am excited to take this yoga journey, not only because I feel a calling from my soul, it will be interesting to see if I can progress with the many poses I would like to experience, even if only for 2 or 3 breaths. As our breath enters into our bodies, with awareness, perception, and compassion, it is there that our perception, our minds eye, touches our hearts, where true discovery begins to take shape. It is in that space, that bright burning light that is in our heart, our true essence, the creative force- GOD- that lives inside each and every one of us. I will attempt to see the "God " in everyone, take compassion on myself when I'm down, and practice asana to train my body so that it can be a proper vehicle for my spiritual path, to keep me strong when tossing my kids around, and to hopefully grow old gracefully, as long as I don't get hit by a bus!