What shall I practice, today?

Day 2: So far, so good! Eli's foot is ok, and I had most of the day off running Eli around and then errands. I felt like a free bird today, and it felt great. Watching the canopy of autumn leaves slowly dissolving and falling, I felt an unfamiliar feeling: contentment. How often do we feel content with our lives, our kids, our job, our spouse? How often do we feel discontent with the way we look, the status of our bank account, or what we get or don't get accomplished? "Santosha" is the sanskrit word for contentment. It actually means being content with whatever comes up in our lives, even sadness or loneliness. How can we practice contentment on the mat? Listen to your body, be aware of the inner dialogue you are having, be respectful of your limitations, and humble with your capabilities. How do we practice contentment in our lives? The Yoga Sutra book II verse 42 writes:"By contentment, supreme joy is gained". It explains: As a result of contentment, one gains supreme joy. Here, we should understand the difference between contentment and satisfaction. Contentment means just to be as we are without going to outside things for our happiness. If something comes, we let it come. If not, it doesn't matter. Contentment means neither to like nor dislike. Tonight, as I approach the setting sun, a harsh wind cries in the trees. My heart goes out to the people north east of us as they bear the forces of nature. My practice tonight will be a restorative one. I am feeling tired, and a little rundown. So, instead on doing a strong physical practice, I will prop up on some bolsters, lie in front of the fireplace, and breathe deeply into what is.

41 days

An inspiration has been brewing in my heart for the past several days now. It all began one windy day in February...(just kidding). I have thinking about writing, and how I know that poems and insights are inside of me, somewhere. I haven't been inspired to write for some time now. How can I connect, to my inner voice, the quiet sound, that inspires my spirit, and nurtures me on my path to self discovery? I have read that nature is here to teach us wisdom. It is here to guide us, and provide a landscape in which we are always cultivating, toiling, fertilizing, digging, getting our hands dirty. This soil inside of us provides us with a garden to plant and water the seeds of our choosing. When we begin to settle our minds, not necessarily emptying our mind, we begin to hear a quiet voice, that brings us closer to the truth. What truth? The truth that there is divinity all around us and in us, and even more, a deep sea of bliss that reigns supreme to all other experience, that is inside of us, like a constant tide that ebbs and flows with the stream of our attention. So getting back to my subject of "41 days", I plan on writing every day for 41 days. 40 days is usually the number associated with spiritual quests. Jesus spent 40 days in the desert. Unfortunately, having 3 kids, 2 dogs, a full time job, yoga commitments, and a house to clean, I am unable to escape to the desert. I'm in no way saying I could handle escaping to the desert for 40 days to meditate on Gods word. Contrary, I believe I would die a miserable death. But, I can attempt to practice yoga and write about yoga for 41 days, in the comforts of my home. I figured I'd burn a path, instead of following. 41 is my age. 41 is a good number. It's one more than 40. A great number to be begin. "We begin here", is the first yoga sutra. This sutra means just what it says. We begin here. We take each day as it comes, we live for now, not anxiously in the future, or sadly looking back on the past. How different our lives would be, if we looked at each person we talked to with fresh, new eyes. No judgements, no condemnations, no envy, no self doubt. How would our lives and relationships be, if we came from a place of inspiration, rather than memory? So, here I go. While I was completing this entry, my son Elijah, told me he cannot walk on his foot. He injured it playing football outside. Life is always handing us surprises, challenges, disappointments, joys. It is up to us how we respond. Let's begin now.

Howdy y'all!

I'm back!!!!

I had some issues logging into my blog, but all I had to do was ask my wonderful husband for some help and he fixed it immediately! It only took me 9 months to ask him!

No Escape

What happens when we escape? Where do our emotions go, how does our life unfold, when we don't face the grit and grime that often is so thick in our present moment? Where do you escape? Do you lose yourself in a good book, do you watch TV, do you drink away your worries, do you spend excessive time on-line. There are many ways to escape, not all of them bad. But just like procrastination, escaping only temporarily solves our problem, and does not help us to evolve. One way of dealing with difficulty in our lives, can be simply to take a conscious breath. This creates space around our field of awareness. I breathe in, and observe. Have you ever been so angry that the words coming out of your mouth feel as though some demon has possessed you and mid stream you stop and realize how out of control you sound? Breathing in creates inner space. It creates awareness that there is something else besides our voices and thoughts that exist within our bodies. Breathing out gives time, precious space to the current moment, whether it be joyful or pain filled. We are not our thoughts. We are not our emotions. What are we? We are divine light, consciousness, an ever present inner energy that is formless, but full of knowing. Not knowing in the egoic way (the voice in our head that identifies us with our emotions and thoughts) But God knowing. This "God knowing" is quiet, is forgiving, and ever-present if we are able to calm the storm of thoughts in our heads. One way to look at it is this. If we can be the valley, where we look up and can observe the landscape around us, rather than being in the forest, or exalting ourselves on the highest mountain, we can attain peace. Observing and breathing brings us closer to our core, our essential nature. Dis-identifying with our emotions and thoughts help us to be in the valley, and lift others up. It doesn't mean we don't laugh or feel joy. On the contrary, we can feel this joy more fully as it surfaces and we don't get lost in the future or past events, or cling to the joyfulness, never wanting it to leave us. I encourage a breathing practice. It is simple and always available. I can't remember the last time I didn't have breath in my body, and if I did, I surely worked hard to get it back into my body! Our breath is the link to our soul. Breathe in create space, space around your situation, breathe out raw emotion(let it go). Breathe in, simply observe, breathe out, smile.

Shades of Gold

Sitting, looking out. Across the field of gold. Peering and gazing into the depth of colors. My heart begins to ache, it shrinks and expands at the same time. Feeling small, scattered, and somewhat unsure, I have no other way to turn but inward. Where are you God? I am calling your name. I am asking for help. I won't be satisfied to look away, to avoid my darkness that I feel. Instead, I look at the beauty before me, the gold leaves, the blazing red and orange. A friend who has a big smile for me every time I see her. 3 boys with different shades of blazing red gold hair, who never fail to inspire me. A husband who is kind and hardworking. I won't lie. I feel lost right now. I feel struggle, conflict, and sadness. I feel restricted, and bound. I have to challenge myself, to look up, be light, and open my heart to the present moment unfolding before me. I will leave you with a poem, which I really like.

Pain is the great teacher. I woke before dawn with this thought. Joy, happiness, are what we take and do not question. They are beyond question, maybe. A matter of being. But pain forces us to think, and to make connections, to sort out what is what, to discover what has been happening to cause it. And, curiously enough, pain draws us to other human beings in a significant way, whereas joy or happiness to some extent, isolates.
-May Sarton

Holy Moly!

It's been a month since I've written. Wow. There are moments when I feel I have lost myself, in this thing called a 40 hour work week. Moments, pass by, I walk the halls in the facility I work observing those around me. Have I lost myself? No way Jose. I am simply walking my path. These moments, when I feel lost, when I am missing my children, when I am missing being home, I see the good I am doing for these souls living in this facility they call home. I have dreams! I have high hopes! I can see the future sometimes, in perfect harmony with the pulse of life beating before me. This life, this long and precious life, keeps revealing the road that continues to wind and unfold before me. I peer out, sometimes jumping, sometimes slow, and then choose my path. Sunlight fades into the cloud cover of humid night, dipping its head down. Fading into the evening, slow and deliberate, the fireflies dance in the dusk. Reaching out, stretching my fingers, stretching my mind, I feel in my heart the rhythm, the dance and celebration of living, the good and the bad, the wild and the sane. Give it to me, I'll take it all.

yoga is accessible

Why do I love yoga? Let me count the ways! It keeps me in check, with the universe and all the creatures in it. Yoga holds my heart close to my soul, the God voice within. Yoga keeps my body active, supple, flexible, and strong. I can bend my arms backwards while working, cross them in front of me while riding in an elevator (eagle arms), I can do triangle while someone is using the bathroom, and I can quietly notice that each moment, is filled with wonder and exploration. If I choose to be present, and harness my mind back into what is unfolding before me, I can live life more fully. Although my life is filled to the brim with working, private lessons, motherhood, sports, cleaning, the wonder of boys, meditation, reading, dogs, parents, friends....I can enjoy each moment better, more fully, with the recognition and acceptance of sadness, joy, boredom, monotony, challenge, and triumph.

"This is true yoga: the unbinding
of the bonds of sorrow.
Practice this true yoga with a determination
and with a courageous heart."
-Bhagavad Gita